Here are a few more of my Mommy truisms;
- Incessant whining can literally cause insanity. I know...I've seen it happen!
- Tantrums are kinda funny, unless they are in public..or its your kid.
- Spanking children is unacceptable, timeouts are worthless, but threatening that the cops will come works every time in my household.
- Daddies can change diapers, bathe kids, wipe asses and noses, brush hair and teeth, read books and play with and dress our kids just as well as we can; they just don't because we NEVER ask. Relinquish control ladies. You will thank me later!
- In reference to the previous truism, if Daddy doesn't perform up to your (probably impossible) standards..Try , try again. If you don't..that's what he wants!
- Grandparents are priceless; live it, love it, learn it!
- Cheerios, Cheez its, & Goldfish are not acceptable as the norm in your car, your floor , or your bed...it's nasty. Even if another single adult never gets into your mini van, SUV, Mommy taxi...eventually, you will have to hit a drive thru and some snarky , pimply faced 16 year old will be using you as a cautionary tale. Come on, you don't want to give them the satisfaction. We already have to live down the whole "MOM Jeans" thing.
- Even if your kid says "no", even if you are tired of arguing..brush their hair!You're the parent and you will be that mom!
- If you ever want your kids to enjoy religion, please take them to church as children. Learning faith as an adult is so much harder than instilling faith into the heart of a child. It's like trying to convince an adult that Santa is real!
- Breastfeeding before your milk comes in, is like spending the day with an insatiable piranha.
- Labor doesn't feel like a big cramp (WTF? What crazy drugged out person said this?). It feels a lot more like an angry Ghoulie trying to stab his way out of your lower abdomen with lightening speed and a very dull butcher knife!
- The ring of fire...well, they don't relate it to hell because it feels good. It feels like exactly what they call it. I don't know about you but I don't want fire anywhere near that region of my body..ever.
Last but not least for tonight,
- You don't forget the pain of childbirth...EVER! Those broads that say you do.....................CRAZY LIARS!I found this out the hard way, so I know of which I speak. Happy Mothering!
You hit it on the nail will them all! I learned these of course the hard way. I would yell at my hubby for not helping and he would simply say "I didn't know you needed help" well duh honey. But men just don't think like us. Lesson learned #1. Tantrums were funny til it was mine. Don't judge. Lesson learned #2. Spanking and time outs DEFINITELY don't work for all kids. Rather than trying to lose my sanity I threaten to call the cops or take privileges away. Threats work, there's nothing wrong with threatening. If it works, it works. (Don't judge) Lesson learned #3.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, I am THAT mom who has a back seat full of nasty snacks so if you ever see a giveaway with hand held mini vacuums, you know who to call. Sometimes I am also THAT mom who lets her daughter go out with crazy hair if it's just too frustrating with arguments, then when people give her weird looks she knows, Mommy just wants me to look beautiful. Some lessons need to be learned on their own. Lesson learned #4 (for me).
The police threats works wonders with my kids!! About a month ago there was a police raid across the street from my house. One of the cars was right in front of our house and a cop was outside w/ his gun drawn. Mind you this is happening at nap time. I sit down on the couch to eat lunch and relax, not knowing what's going on yet. I finally notice the comotion and a couple minutes later my kids come out of the bedroom asking if the police were there to take them away because they were not sleeping!!
ReplyDeleteAhhh I love this!!! It's all SO incredibly true!
ReplyDeleteyes. yes. and yes.
ReplyDeleteAnd I had a friend who used to say of labor, "They tell you you'll have a burning sensation. Yeah, like being burned at the stake."
Haaaaa!!! You just described my mommy van to a T. I'm quite sure I've been the butt of many drive-thru jokes. But I just can't get it together to keep it clean. Oh well. Somebody's got to set the bottom of the barrel standard, right?
ReplyDelete