How the Grinch almost Stole Mommy

The holidays for me are usually all warmth and fuzziness, mostly. Don't get me wrong they are chocked full of craziness but right underneath the surface of all the chaos, complete happiness is bubbling its way to the surface and about to spill over. But for some reason, this year things feel... off. It all looks great on paper, we are doing all the things that should be done to make wonderful memories for our girls but for some reason, I don't feel like my heart is in it. I don't feel the bubbly goodness rising to the top as it should be this far into December.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am watching the finances closely since this year has been full of new jobs, relocations and maintaining separate households, which is nothing to speak of the fact that our whole life has been suspended and not quite right with the Big Guy not living here. Maybe my lack of enthusiasm has something to do with being overwhelmed by the to do lists and not enough time to accomplish the tasks at hand. I have been buried under snow for most of December and there's been no time for shopping, baking, enjoying. Its been a series of appointments and dates. Truly, I feel like my girls are being jipped out of their Christmas. I've been so  caught up in all the obligations that I've been snapping at my girls and firing snark from my mouth like an AK-47.I know on more than one occasion, lately, I've given them the "are you retarded?" look and may have even said something to that effect, but not quite as awful. But the sentiment was there and that is as guilty as saying the words themselves. Thoughts become words and words become actions.Well, even thinking that makes me a really horrible Grinch of a mother, in my book. I don't want to be THAT person.I don't want my girls to think it even fathomable that I could mean such awful words.The thought of them believing that I think they are anything less than amazing or that my love is conditional upon whether or not they are pleasing to me, makes me sick to my stomach.I want to be happy, excited and gay. I need to get my warm fuzziness boiling back over. I want to spread it all over my children like warm molasses.

Christmas is not about things to do, places to be or presents to open; Christmas is about love, peace and people.I want my girls to look back on their childhood Christmases and remember the cuddles in front of the fire, spontaneous Christmas cookie baking, making fudge with Daddy, snowball fights, and watching Christmas Movies; staying up late to put cookies out for Santa and going to mass with the whole family.It's firsts snows and snow angels.It's togetherness.It's a series of moments that form a lifetime. I want it to be a feeling in their heart.I want it to be the spirit of something larger than us; of hope, love and joy. I'm clearing out the clutter of my life and my mind and going forth, my only true obligation is going to be to see to it that my girls are happy.Everything else is secondary.  

Fah who for-aze! Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze! Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas, Welcome Christmas,
Come this way! Come this way! 

Mommy Truisms;the Labor Day edition

Just a few more of my Mommy Truisms to brighten your Labor day!

• Labor is like being stuck in rush hour traffic~annoying, boring,uncomfortable and full of anxiety

• Delivery is like minding your own business and suddenly being kicked in the head by a unicorn flying overhead~ painful, unbelievable and magical.

• Watching your child learn/experience something for the very first time is more awesome than winning the lottery and a lot more likely to happen in your lifetime.

• Vaccinations hurt Mommies 97% more than they actually hurt our children.

• Listening to what your 3 year old is trying to tell you is so much more important than any phone call, email, television show, chore~all that other stuff will still be there, your 3 year olds childhood will not.

• Firsts are so hard because they lead to lasts.

• The first time you leave your child alone with strangers (school, ballet, soccer, gymnastics, daycare) you will cry and feel extreme guilt~ You are NOT a bad Mommy!

• Guilt is just a side effect of being a great Mommy! 

Happy Mothering, my friends!

Mommies are people too

With great power comes great responsibility.Don't we know it. We've all come to Motherhood, for better or worse, because we wanted to love a child.The thing is, I don't think any of us thought it completely through. How could we? We were not equipped with all the facts. No one told me that from the moment of  conception, I would henceforth be completely forgoing any and all of my own needs, wants, and desires. I don't mean things like going to bars, staying up all night, blowing a wad of cash on useless crap. No, I am referring to the basics like going to the bathroom alone, showering for more than 3 minutes,having the luxury of shaving my legs, waxing my lip,  being able to eat a warm meal, being able to read a book that wasn't about a Toad or a Frog, being able to get an entire sentence out of my mouth before being interrupted, being able to actaully spend time with my husband as spouses and not Mommy and Daddy. The shame of it all is that its not only expected of Mommies, it's practically demanded. Every time I feel like I might want some thing ( however small it may be) for myself ( a goal, a minute, a dream), I can feel all of society giving me that look, you know the one . The "you made your bed now lie in it " look!
I feel like Motherhood makes women superheroes, dually a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it is fantastic that we can mean so much to our children, when they are small but at the same time a curse, as we are expected to do all things, at all times, for all those we love with the exception of ourselves.If you dare break from script, then you get crowned a right selfish bitch. You are made to feel guilty for wanting needing to be something more.  How dare you want to be a person? Oh wait, you are a person.You are human and as such you deserve such basic human rights as freedom to live and say and do what YOU want.; to enjoy a drink that I poured myself without having to worry if someone is back washing in it or spilling it, to be able to hear yourself think, to sleep for increments larger than 3 hours, to be able to have an hour a day to pursue your dream, hell, to have a dream.
I realize I've made my bed, and I love my bed, but sometimes Mommy needs someone else to take responsibility for making the bed so I can go out and enjoy a latte with my girlfriends like an adult; like a real person with real thoughts, real feelings, and limitations. With limitations come meltdowns when we are pushed beyond our breaking point. Don't feel less of a Mother for this, feel more. If we don't break down once in awhile and always power through, we are doing a disservice to our babies. We have our meltdown, we step back, we breathe, we rejuvenate, and we come out the other side a better Mommy, a better person. Just keep in mind, my fellow superheroes...Mommies are people too!

Truthful Tuesdays, Feb.16,2010!

Good morning, my sunshines! It is Tuesday morning again! You know what that means. Time to let it all out:) Of course, today is Fat Tuesday..so maybe we should really get it all off our chest in anticipation of Lent.I mean who doesn't want to start Lent off with a clean conscience and a light heart! So, please join me in our weekly expelling of our "demons".As always, I will start!
I wish that when I asked my husband to call me from the road, when he is driving in bad weather and I am waiting to hear how an interview is going, he would actually do it! Instead of me having to track him down and him giving me vague answers!Argh!!
I wish that my 2 year old would keep her hands out of her sister's face. It's so bad that her older sister calls her "the Tiger". When I asked,"Why?", she simply replied,"Because she claws and bites, Mom!"Enough said!
I wish that same "Tiger" would stop bringing the glitter glue to me and forcing it into my face, narrowly escaping dropping it into my much needed coffee!
I wish that I could write this blog in silence versus the screaming, crying, chaos that ensues each time I attempt to get in front of the computer!It's like they do it on purpose!
Finally, I wish that I , along with all the Mommies I know, could do everything, be everywhere, and get as much done as we want to without filling guilty for neglecting our children, our husbands or our responsibilities! In short, I wish that we could all live free of Mommy guilt!!!
Ahhh, breathe in, breathe out! My husband just woke up...yeah, just now. Must be nice! I better go and inform him that I am bestowing the honor of driving in the blizzard to get the groceries. Ahhhh, sweet revenge!LOL
Your turn! As I have said before, do it anonymously if you like but please...get it off your chest! No infraction too small or too large. We will love you still and think you are an awesome Mommy...just for being human and trying!Come on girls....Do the Fat Tuesday!!!