A Field trip, a Goat, and a Gas Leak

Last Thursday (10/7/10) was Bella's first field trip. It was to be to a farm with a pumpkin patch at which all the children were going to be able to pick out a small baking pumpkin. Apparently, the $5 fee for the patch only covered gas for the bus not necessarily any type of pumpkin of  any value, aesthetically or otherwise. It was very exciting. I, of course, volunteered to chaperone. After all, I couldn't let my baby go off on a bus to God knows where, with God knows who, doing God knows what without being privy to every second of it. We arrive at school,only to find out that the chaperones are not allowed to ride the bus. We have to car pool and meet them there. So much for sitting on the bus with her, holding her hand and taking it all in . I remember when we were little it was required that chaperones rode the bus to help keep the wily kindergartners in control.Apparently, rampant chaos is what they go for these days. After, hitching a ride with the coolest mom I could find and a quick stop at Starbucks ( I told you she was COOL) we met the kids as they were pulling away in the bus bound for the pumpkin patch. Oh, did I forget to mention after being awoken at 5 am by an eager kindergartener, my reward was for the teacher to tell me to go away until 8:20. The kids go into class at 7:50, what the hell were we supposed to do for 30 minutes?Anyways, I am digressing. It started out a little bit of a cluster fuck. I thought maybe my expectations were too high being this was my first field trip as a chaperone.

After much debate,against  my better judgment, I left the house that morning armed with only my Point and shoot camera versus the behemoth that I usually sport to any occassion concerning my girls. I thought maybe the teacher would frown upon a chaperone who was preoccupied being the stalkarazzi when she was supposed to be protecting little ones from flying pumpkins, crazed goats, and bee infested horse corals.I left my beloved memory recorder by the front door. Of course, once we arrived at the field trip and I was assigned my 2 children, the teacher issued an APB for a volunteer to take photos. What?? Just so happened that the chaperone who is actually a photographer ( by profession) forgot her camera and the teacher..forgot hers. I had my POS but not really what you want as your memory recorder. Luckily, the cool Mommy that I hitched a ride with had her professional grade camera in the back of her SUV. So funny because we had the conversation on the way in whether or not we should bring our big gun cameras. Needless to say, she became the designated photographer of the day.

The children were having a blast; picking apples off the trees, eating sunflower seeds fresh from the sunflower, picking fresh raspberries, swiss chard, lettuce,carrots, and with each thing the tour guide showed them she encouraged the kids to " Go ahead, try it! It's fresh!"The crazy in me wanted to say, "Hell no! That's dirty!" People, I am not a country girl. Not by any stretch of the imagination, other than being a Mexibilly. The south has had the misfortune of being my host state for about 6 years of our marriage.I can positively say Tennessee was probably as happy to see me go as I was to leave. The south is beautiful, but it is full of fresh and wide open.Tall trees.Bugs.Wild turkeys. Cows. Pigs. Chickens. Bears.( and not the kind that play football on Monday nights),snakes, and More Bugs!
So,when the kids were told to eat all the off the vine food all I heard was here is some bugs and dirt kids....Enjoy!

The kids are loving every moment of their bug, dirt munching. Its all fun and games until they start asking the chaperones to " Come on try some" Most adults would probably bite the bullet and say, "Oh Ok" in the spirit of being a good example and all. Not me! Sorry folks, I don't do dirt and I certainly do not do BUGS! Ewwww! Now, maybe if one of my kids' life depended on it..I'd eat a bug or a little dirt. But, as a rule, I refuse to model behavior that I don't approve of in the first place. So, just as the kids are beginning the barn part of the tour, all the children simultaneously get a gleam in their eye that signals certain mutiny and chaos are imminent..I blame all the fresh air and mass quantities of fresh picked bug and dirt infested food that they had just consumed. Just as the kids are let loose to terrorize the animals, as children are running off in all directions of the barn yard petting stray barn cats, feeding apples and carrots to the horses, lettuce to the bunnies, corn to the pigs and goats, being chased in every direction by squawking chickens, I scan the joint to find my Bella and the little boy I was assigned. Just in time to see her about to walk face first into the horses mouth and the little boy about to be mauled by a couple attention starved goats. Luckily the horses and goats were close to one another, I grabbed both kids and saved them from becoming fresh food themselves:) Boy, chaperoning chaos is hard work. Thank God for that extra shot in my Toffee Mocha that morning. Then came the most exciting part of the field trip, we were called back to the school due to a gas leak in the entire downtown area, school was being evacuated...actually, the entire downtown was being evacuated.

We were ordered by divine intervention to cut our field trip short.I was all about it. All that fresh air was making it hard for me to breathe and I am pretty sure I was breaking out.But we had one last stop, or hell would have certainly broke out amongst the tiny farm lovers all hopped up on fresh air and homegrown goodness...the pumpkin patch. After, the fastest hay ride ever to the nearest pumpkin patch, all children were instructed to find 1 small,firm, round, green stemmed pumpkin. Of course, they jump out and all run through the vines, tangled up and dropping like flies. I was picking them up and helping them wrestle the pumpkins of their choosing from the vines..now, this was serious chaperone business. It might have been nice to know that I would be needing gloves and a box cutter. No? It's Ok, I love picking pricks out of my fingers...for the children. After we wrangle all the children back up to the hay truck, we then speedily exit towards the bus. After all, this isn't all fun and games...downtown has been evacuated because of a gas leak. School could be blowing up for all we know. I let out a sigh of relief as the last kid exits the truck and heads towards the bus, without a single casualty.

Then it happens. The guy driving the truck looks at me and says, "You know, they weren't suppose to pick those big pumpkins. We were supposed to take them to a field with the small pumpkins but due to the emergency we just took them to the nearest field."He is very straight faced and not joking. All I could think was I just wrangled 25 kids through a pumpkin patch without a single broken face or skinned knee, I just saved a kid from a crazed goat and a carnivorous horse, and you what Mr. Hay ride driver? Mr. Fresh fruit eater? You want me to compensate you because you took them to the wrong patch? Umm, OK FAWK YOU Mister. I almost had to eat fresh off the vine, bug infested, dirty raspberries. We've all made our sacrifices!Now, go feed a pig or something. I 've got to go pick up my car from a lot that may or not be exploding as we speak! The nerve of some people! Hey farm boy, go suck a pumpkin. Wait? Where's my kid? Oh shit, is she eating more dirty fresh lettuce? Happy Mothering!

Baby Of Mine

Kindergarten has been a big step for our Bella and it doesn't seem that the firsts show any sign of slowing down anytime soon. I have mixed emotions about all of this. For the most part of it, I am very excited for my Bella. Unfortunately, the fact that I left the girls overnight for the first time ever coupled with the fact that she has had about 4 firsts in the past week, add to that me trying to upload photos and stumbling into a folder with photos of my Bella when she was newborn to about 2 years old and on top of that add the Bette Midler song Baby Mine and I am sitting here, alone in the middle of the night, feeling a bit emotional. As always, I share these moments with you, my friends.

Last Tuesday, while we were at ballet class with Gabs, Bella and I were sitting in the car waiting for Gabs to be done. Bella was in the passenger seat spelling out words ( She is getting to be such a big girl) and I am reading. I hear the click clack of her Barbie laptop stop, I glance over and there she is..tying her shoe..all.by.herself! It really felt a lot like those first steps she took when she was about 10 months old. I was so proud. She's only been shown once. She amazes me. Where did that helpless little baby go? How can I be so happy and so sad simultaneously? Mostly, I was proud. Just ask any of my friends and family...I took a picture of it and mass texted it to them all.

First Shoe Tie 9/21/10

Then on Wednesday, we had our first rehearsal for the Nutcracker. I can't believe that 3 years have already passed since she first started ballet. She was such a tiny thing when she first began and now she is a snowflake. She looked like such a big girl ballerina in her leotard, tights, and performance bun. I do realize its the same thing she wears to class every single week for class. But something is different, my Bella is different. She is growing up every hour of every single day.Letting go, even a little, hurts a lot but thank God it is dulled by the happiness that she shows on her face when she accomplishes something that she has set her mind to. It amazes me what a strong characterful little person she is at such a young age.

First Nutcracker Rehearsal for the Snowflakes 9/22/10. This is the photo that broke the Big Guys heart because he had to miss this moment.

Then on Thursday, she came home with 2 declarations. The first one was "Mommy, I was chosen as one of the stars of the day." Me: "Great,baby!I'm so proud of you!" Bella: ( a little bashful) "Umm, Mommy, the star of the day gets a piece of bubblegum." And with that she pulls a little baggy from behind her back, with one little red gumball in it. She is smiling so big that I can hardly stand it. Me;"Bella, you know you are too young for gum." Who the hell gives gum to kindergartners? This is the same teacher who is so strict about no unhealthy snacks.Yeah, OK. I am watching as Bella's face is losing its smile. Bella: "But Mommy, the other stars got one too!" How could I deny her her reward that she was so obviously proud to have been chosen to receive. I told her that we would split it, and she could chew it for 5 minutes in my eyesight, but from now on she would have to put them in a Ziploc, put them in the freezer and save them until she's 8! I know, very random solution but it satisfied her for the moment. I'm not a fan of gum for kids...bad for teeth, choking hazard, etc.

The next declaration was a little more substantial, thank goodness we had spat our gum out or I may have swallowed mine. Bella, puts her hand on her hip, has a very nervous look on her face and says,"Mommy,I've got to tell you something" Me: "Yes, Bella, what do you need to tell me?" Bella: "Mommy, I like Bill* (*names have been changed to protect the innocent) and Bill likes me!" She's blushing, so I am pretty sure I know what that means. But I don't want to embarrass her. I want her to be able to tell me anything.But, I had to know,"Bella, do you mean like a boyfriend?" Bella: (blushing and giggling and averting eye contact) "No, Mommy..like he's my best friend!" I heard what she said, but I also saw what her face said, that little face that I have read every single day for the past 5 and a half years..her little heart is happy. She has her first crush.

Today, as I was waiting for Bella to come out of class ( she is one of only 4 half day kindergartners) and so is Bill*. Bill's mother sits down next to me and says, "I was told to be here early , I have been given strict orders to find out from you when the Nutcracker performances are because Bill* said he has to go see Bella in the Nutcracker." We both giggled, because its obviously the sweetest thing either of us have ever heard...ever. But, oh my God, I won't lie it choked me up just a bit. As we're pulling out, Bella and Gabs are gleefully screaming "Bye, Bill!" And the cutest little boy ever waves them both on. In the car ride home, Bella informs me that I must talk to his mother about setting up a play date with Bill*. She continues on and tells me that the two of them were talking about it. She told him he could come over and play dress up with her. She told him he could be a fairy. He said,"Nah, I have a cape with jewels on it. I can be the prince and you can be my princess!" Priceless. do you hear that "Awwwww" in your head too? Or is it just me? It also makes me wonder, am I scheduling a play date or just a date?

This, of course, catapults me about 20 years into the future and I can already feel myself losing that helpless little baby I met on the day she was born to the man of her dreams on her wedding day. I am now more convinced than ever that parenthood is misery peppered with moments of profound bliss. God has given us these little people that steal our hearts, our minds, and our bodies and then in the end they leave us alone to miss them. Now, I understand why grandchildren are so important..its a way for parents to have a little part of their children back. Its probably also why grand kids can get away with so much. Parents have already felt the loss of their children growing up and leaving and have a new barometer of what is acceptable behavior and what is not. To be able to hold your children in that moment when they are little perpetually would be worth almost any price to have again, once they are grown. For now, I am going to cherish every single first, smile, giggle, even the tantrums and heartbreak because this time passes too quickly. Baby of Mine!

I almost vomited over a snowlake

Saturday, the day we'd been waiting for for the past 3 years finally happened.Bella started ballet when she was  3 and since then has been longing, planning for the day when she would be in our city's ballet production of the Nutcracker. I remember the first days of taking her to ballet class, she was so nervous and uncoordinated. She was practically a baby in her pink tights, leotard and ballet slippers. She was so small, it was difficult to even find shoes that fit her appropriately. But like all things she sets her mind to, Bella achieves what she desires. She doesn't really understand limitations. I like it that way. I hope she never loses that. Saturday was one of the destinations that this journey has been headed towards. Saturday was the first time she was old enough to audition. We woke up Saturday morning. I was nauseated from nerves. Bella was excited. As I put on her tights and leotard, I could feel the stress building inside me. While pulling her hair back into her ballerina knot, I was almost brought to tears by the thought of what if she isn't chosen. She has been looking forward to this day for over half of her short life. As she pulled on her rain boots, I realized this was one of those defining moments in her life. This was the day she either became a performing ballerina or the first day she experienced rejection.Either way, I was nervous for her.

We walk in to the dance theater and register. The place is packed full of a range of ballerinas. I immediately start sizing my girl up to every other ballerina in sight. After getting her into her slippers, her father and I offer some words of encouragement. At this point, I am pretty much vomiting a little bit in my mouth. Bella is unphased. She just wants to get on with it and get her part. Her confidence is inspirational.

She locates a couple of competition her friends from class. They squeal at the sight of one another. All of us Moms breathe a sigh of relief that we are not sending our girls to the wolves alone. Then it happens. They call for the 5-7 age group. With a kiss for good luck and a smile, we send our girl off to her fate. I say a little prayer. We are all praying our little 5 year olds get to be mice ( standard part for that age group) in the Nutcracker.

Time passed s-l-o-w-l-y. I watch her ascend the stairs, my little girl, and I realize this is just one more of those firsts in life that I can not do for her. She is excited and a little nervous, but mostly excited. I am a half a breath away from falling to the ground and assuming the fetal position.

We wait for her to return. And wait. And wait some more. A half hour later, part of the group ascends the stairs. I hold my breath and wait for Bella to appear. One of her classmates comes down, her mother is standing, waiting with me. She is carrying a letter. She has the part! She is a MOUSE! Hurrah!
Uh oh! The mice have been cast. Where is my Bella? Oh, no my worst fears are coming true. She is not a mouse. All I could think was, she will be heart broken. Pull it together Debi. You have to be strong for your girl. I was going over all my pep talks in my head.  "It's OK, next year we can try again", " You are a great dancer, there were a lot of little girls trying out and everyone deserves a chance", "Mommy loves you, these people are stupid (LOL,I'd never say that..well, probably not)". I shot my husband an "Oh Shit" look. He gave me the "breathe woman" look, as usual. I congratulated the other little girl. She was so proud.
Then ,15 minutes later, another group is released. I see Bella. She is holding an envelope. All I could think of was "how the hell am I going to explain why she's not a mouse". She walked over to me all smiles ( poor unsuspecting fool). I asked her how the audition went. She thought it went fabulous. She used to be taught by the director ( who was actually at audition selection) and she was just so exited to see Ms.Prima Ballerina. It's really all that she cared about. Then I took the envelope out of her hands, I braced myself, and I opened it.Deep breath!
She wasn't a mouse. She was a SNOWFLAKE! It's a bigger, more advanced part and she gets to wear a white tutu , with a tiara and dance as snow falls onto stage. She was happy. Her Daddy and sister were proud and happy for her. I was relieved and so full of pride of my little girl that I thought I might bust at the seams. I texted every family member we have, on both sides, and told them to pencil in the weekend of December 10-12 to come and see our Bella in her stage debut as a snowflake. Her first performance as a ballerina will be attended by every family member who can make it. There will be a showering of flowers and love on our little girl at a dinner in her honor. It will be a night she will not forget. And to think, I almost vomited over a snowflake.
Bella, you are always Mommy's Prima Bellarini. I am so proud of you. You will not be capable of understanding this feeling that I have until you have your own child. It is more than any pride that I have ever felt in myself. I love you! 9/11/10 First Audition date ever

Mommy Truisms;the Labor Day edition

Just a few more of my Mommy Truisms to brighten your Labor day!

• Labor is like being stuck in rush hour traffic~annoying, boring,uncomfortable and full of anxiety

• Delivery is like minding your own business and suddenly being kicked in the head by a unicorn flying overhead~ painful, unbelievable and magical.

• Watching your child learn/experience something for the very first time is more awesome than winning the lottery and a lot more likely to happen in your lifetime.

• Vaccinations hurt Mommies 97% more than they actually hurt our children.

• Listening to what your 3 year old is trying to tell you is so much more important than any phone call, email, television show, chore~all that other stuff will still be there, your 3 year olds childhood will not.

• Firsts are so hard because they lead to lasts.

• The first time you leave your child alone with strangers (school, ballet, soccer, gymnastics, daycare) you will cry and feel extreme guilt~ You are NOT a bad Mommy!

• Guilt is just a side effect of being a great Mommy! 

Happy Mothering, my friends!

And AWAY we go!

Seems like just yesterday, in fact I think it was, Gabs was saying "Me this and Me that" and now I hear the "I"s creeping in. Of course, I am proud because she is learning to talk like a big girl and use her correct pronouns. But there is something saddening about my baby turning into a little girl. It's letting go of one phase and starting another one. Much the same as I had to do a few weeks ago when Bella decided that her lovey "Fi Fi LaRUe" (the most adorable pink poodle ever) that up until then she could not sleep without..ever ( this little guy has been same day shipped when forgotten @ Grandma's. It was THAT serious!) is not so necessary anymore. Normally, at bed time, there is a mad scramble to find FiFi. It is a major event and Daddy and I know there will be hell to pay if that little poodle ever goes missing. But a few days ago, FiFi was missing at nap time and Bella was all like,"It's OK Mommy. I can live with out her for one nap." OMG! And just like that..a dagger in my heart. I could care less about what happens to FiFi. It's not about losing FiFi, its about this being a representation of losing yet another piece of Bella's childhood. On to the next phase we go.
Parenthood is a lot like a roller coaster. You know what's coming...you are excited for the thrill of a lifetime. You get on and as it climbs to the top, it feels like it is dragging on forever and the trepidation is building to almost combustible levels. Then you hit the top and away you go. You are on the ride of your life and it is over in a flash.  That first year of my girls' lives, everything seemed like it was in slow motion. We were wading through  blindly waiting for life to happen..first teeth, first step, first word....all kinds of firsts. Then you hit that 1 year mark,the baby's mobile and away you go. Suddenly, your whole life is on fast forward. All you want to do is hit the brakes  but there's no stopping this coaster once it gains momentum. Here I am, right smack dab in the middle of the ride..holding on for dear life, having the thrill of my life. I just wish I could slow it down a bit and  enjoy the scenery a little more. It's going so fast, I feel like I am missing parts of the ride and afraid its going to be over way too soon.
Quick , someone tap the brakes, Mama wants to take a couple few  49,000 or so snapshots to remember the ride!

My first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin

My 4 year old daughter has wanted to be a "movie star" since she saw Eloise goes to Hollywood. Not that I think she really knows what that means or what it entails but I have convinced myself that I will never be the shatterer of hopes and dreams when it comes to my girls. If they want to do it or be it, I'm going to support it because we all need a cheerleader.To help her achieve this lofty, if not almost impossible goal, I submitted her photos to a prestigious modeling agency, they called us in, and then they agreed to represent my 4 year old.She is pretty cute, if I do say so myself:), and I figured what a better place to start than some print work. Of course,fast forward a couple months later, she books her first job. Its a commercial. Amazing right? No, well, it was to us. She was excited, our friends were excited, our family was excited, myself, I was too exhausted from organizing an unexpected relocation to really comprehend how exciting it was. It was to be a commercial for a local car dealership. We were in set the mandatory 15 minutes early, of course we had been sitting outside in the car for a 1/2 hour before that but we couldn't come in, per instructions from our agency. Apparently, its unprofessional.We walk in the door with our 4 outfits they asked me to bring, of course they left her in the faded jeans, ugg boots, and long sleeve t-shirt and navy polo she walked in with. Oh, that is with the exception of removing the polo (which was the only cute part of the entire outfit because it was the riding to the shoot outfit..not the actual outfit for the shoot:) I was all very surreal, hair and make up on my 4 year old.She sat straight in the chair , jibber jabbing the make up artists head off. We exchanged niceties and she told me how bright and beautiful my daughter was, something a mother can never hear too much of. Then we began the actual shoot, or what I'd like to refer to as "the train wreck of 2010". My daughter was "the daughter", to the family in the commercial. There were like 10 adult actors and my 1 child, did I mention she had never even done a print booking. Talk about putting all of your eggs in one basket. Jeez. It starts out the pretend Dad has to lift my little girl into the back of a pickup.Oh my, poor guy. My daughter is very tall for her age, she is like 45 inches tall and around 53 lbs. She is rock solid. This guy was about 5'10" and having trouble lifting my child. She was more than half his length and its awkward to lift a kid that tall, I should know. I looked on with pity and horror as this man struggled.My daughter just sat there, like a deer in headlights, except for the occasional cheese she tossed in the general direction of myself or the camera ( which she was not suppose to be looking at because she was supposed to be looking at her damned fake parents!)But I stood there, silent watching it all happen because Mom's (like children) are on set to be seen and not heard. I was there strictly for moral support and legal reasons.They eventually finish the 15 or so takes, my daughter is totally confused by the people moving their mouth feigning conversation with no actual sound coming out.It was all very overwhelming for her. The bright lights,the strange man lifting her up..which by the way, every time he lifted her up, her shirt lifted up on her belly.She's 4, so she paid no attention, but the adults (not even the fake Mommy...oh, you so know she doesn't really have children)not one of them thought to pull her shirt down or tell her to do it. It was very frustrating.This could go on for days and it felt like it did. Let's just sum it up by saying she is 4! She was tired , she was hungry, and she was overwhelmed but she didn't have a meltdown, and she didn't cry, and she didn't act like a brat.She did everything they told her to do, to the best of her 4 year old ability. That was a long day and there is so much more that I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you:) She did ,however, at the end of the day, as we were leaving the shoot look me in the eyes and say, "Awww, dang it Mommy.It was my first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin!" I chuckled to myself, I guess that paycheck and all that excitement didn't count for much..because , in her mind, all she got out of the day was "that sparkly new hairpin". I asked her if she wanted to still be a "Movie Star". She said ,"Sure Momma. I bet when I'm on Disney channel, they'll give me all kinds of sparkly(SPark-A-LEE) new hairpins!"LOL. Keep on dreamin big, baby!
Disclaimer: This is in no way, shape, or form a dig at the process or my agency, this was about the train wreck that I had to watch my kid be part of because of her inexperience. It was like helplessly watching a car slide off into the ditch.Or watching your baby fall when learning to walk for the first time.It was inevitable, and you couldn't stop it, it was just the circumstances and our naivete. We are looking forward to the next time, we're going to fishtail...on purpose!

Kids really do say the darndest things

We are on a mini vacation/ look see around town for my husbands potential new job, in Virginia. First, let me start by saying, this is one of the most gorgeous parts of the country that I have been to thus far in my life. The weather is awesome, the foliage abounds, large cities are concealed by an enveloping plethora of greenery.Essentially, you have big city life with the look of the country and all the amenities of a Beaches all inclusive resort. So, that is where we are Today!
On Saturday,however, we were on the road for 12 glorious hours. Yes, that is correct, 12 hours with a 4 and newly turned 2 year old.Can you say a little touch of hell on earth. My ,otherwise, sweet loving girls do not like to be confined in those 5 point harnesses on a good day on a trip across town. So,imagine their state at taking their very first long drive trip imprisoned in those wonderful harnesses. My oldest, rambunctious as ever, insisted on asking ,every 20 minutes or so,"Are we there yet?" I always thought that was a funny spoof on parenting but now I realize that it is, in fact, the truth of traveling with children. I never realized how frazzling that could be to me as a person. I thought "those" moms have no patience. Just say ,"Not yet, in a little while." Why all the overreaction, then I realized that it can actually bring you to the brink of insanity and make a grown woman , such as myself, cry, almost inconsolably, if asked in the right voice and enough times over a 12 hour period.While the oldest was hitting us with the barrage of "Are we there yet"s the youngest was freaking out of her ever loving mind about a gnat. Yes, a gnat, that supposedly must have been the scariest, meanest, baby eating gnat you ever did see because , god bless her little bitty heart, she screamed bloody murder for at least 3 hours of the trip.Oh, the humanity! So, to sum it up, my 4 year old is wondering if we are there yet, every single second of every single minute we were on the road, my 2 year old is being terrorized by a gnat and screaming so highly pitched, that all the dogs of the world were seeking her out to eat her and end the misery, I am at the brink of insanity on the verge of losing the battle and my poor beloved husband is trying to plot his course to the nearest gunsmith to rent a gun and buy a bullet.
Then I pull out my bag of tricks because obviously the 1200 DVDs that I brought are not holding their attention. First , we color ( you know those Wonder Crayola colors that magically appear on the special paper but nothing else..that's what you think, but that's another story entirely), then we color the glittery ones, then we color My little Pony. We sing, only the songs that they know so we had Bella's favorites, "Twinkle ,Twinkle" and "Mary had a little Lamb" and Gabi's favorites "Happy Burtday to you!" and " Five, Five DOlla..Five Dolla foot long!" Yes, my 2 year old is obsessed with the Subway commercial jingle. Have you any idea how many times they play that thing? I do , because she sings it incessantly. Don't get me wrong, in the right context, it is absolutely adorable. She is the cutest thing that has ever walked this earth, besides her sister, of course, but everything in moderation. Interrupted only by the "Are we there yet?" inquiry of her sister. OK, so brink of insanity on way to gun shop, we stop at lunch and we try and let them stretch there legs at some wayward Wendy's in West Virginia. Not my idea, have you seen Wrong Turn?
We get lunch, they have ants in their pants and can't keep still. We get the food, the nuggets are not done, still doughy,"EWWWW, gross" , as my daughter like to say. I return them. We wait, I return with nuggets, all is good in the land. A 'fly" dares to descend upon the table. All hell breaks lose. Toddlers jumping everywhere, screaming, crying, running away in terror. Did i mention it was a fly? Not a horsefly, just a regular old house fly! In true fix the situation fast fashion, I take off my flip flop and the untimely death of one unsuspecting fly ensues. All is good in the land, and then Gabs, because all of the attention we just received was apparently not enough fro her, screams, at the absolute top of her lungs "EWWWW, FAArTED.Stinks". Absolutely, mortified , I say " OK, honey, it's OK." Then I realize, amongst all of the commotion, she did not have any kind of flatulation incident. Apparently she just thinks its funny and likes to take credit for such occurrences, she is really better than the dog. This is a quirk I am hoping she outgrows.Bella, my older one starts asking, "Mom, what are we going to do on our vacation?" I say, because I am out of the car and somewhat rational and overly sweet because I am trying to gain redemption from being "Crazy Mommy" from in the car,
" Well, sweetie.we'll look around the town and eat out, maybe go to Busch Gardens, and we will take you girls to the pool at the hotel." She look at me with wide eyes," Even you,Mommy?" First lets put this into context, I am a Mommy in my mid 30's, I am a little over weight and a little out of shape, and I hate swimsuits with a passion. I have since I was a teenager. It's like a taunting suit, it takes every possible flaw you can possibly have and flaunts it to the discriminating eyes of the world. But I do occasionally wear these horrible contraptions to play with my children and because I am determined not to pass my body issues on to them. In response to my daughter, I say "yes, sweetie, even Mommy." I look at my husband and say " What the heck, I don't know any of these people.I'm going swimming!" To which my daughter responds in her most defiant voice " Yeah,I don't know these people either, so I'm going swimming!" How funny, she has no idea about the context but Dammit, she's going swimming!! I'm still in the throes of this mini vacation that teeters between heaven and hell, I'll post more when we all arrive safely at home, by passing any and all asylums and gun shops.