The Proposal, Part Deux

This  past weekend was the big guy and my 11th wedding anniversary. It was pretty special since last year for our 10th, he had just been downsized and our whole life was up in the air. Not much celebrating went on last year.This year however, was a completely different story.  Is it really possible that I can be more in love with this man by the day? 

We met in college, at a bar, through a mutual friend. He very nonchalantly looked down at me ( since he is a towering 6'5" ) and said, "Hey". I barely warranted a nod. I thought, "What an asshole!" Anyways, fast forward 4 months and there he is in yet another bar proposing. I was shocked and ill prepared for such a question.We had been dating exclusively since a few days after the "hey" incident but isn't 4 months really soon? Did I mention he asked me in the middle of a bar? No big drop down to your knee with a ring, hush over the crowd, as the DJ booth announces that the big guy needs quiet. No, just a "will you marry me?" in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of a dance, in a middle of a night of drinking. WTF? I was shocked. I was flattered. I was confused. I was lucky. It took me a couple days to give him an answer, because as I mentioned..I was shocked. In 4 months, I was not expecting a ring. But, being the list making thinker that I was I thought about it and realized listen to your heart, " Are you crazy girl? Its too soon. Then I thought to myself, are you crazy girl...he's amazing and you love him. This is the way it was all going to end up anyways. He just figured it out first!(That's why I'm lucky)." Then I said yes, then I got a ring. He liked it but he wasn't forking out money to put a ring on it if I didn't say yes. I did tell you we were in college, right? Anyways, that was my first proposal back on January 28, 1998. The one that I found out later was supposed to be a Valentine's Day proposal ( how romantic) but he was nervous and jumped the gun...that's why he didn't actaully have a ring on him.

For our 5th wedding anniversary, he got me an upgraded ring. My original one was beautiful and it is very special to me but my 5 year one was something else. Lots of sparkle and shine, just like I like. Then he whisked me off to a hot and steamy vacation for two in New Orleans. I came home with really frizzy hair from the heat, and I'm pretty sure all the booze and love gave me our first daughter. Talk about a souvenir!

Fast forward, 6 years later to our do over 10 year anniversary ( our 11th anniversary) and the big guy has once again, shocked me! Oh yes, Ladies he came home ( from out of town work) and the girls were napping. He had a sandwich and sat dawn and watched a little bit of trash tv the Real Housewives of New York with me. He let me ramble on about some inane scenario that was taking place and then he left the room. I figured he went out to use the bathroom, check his email, who knows. We've been married for 11 years, I don't ask him where he's going every time he leaves the room, anymore. I am sitting there mind you with my grimy gardening clothes one, hair pulled back in a bun..crazy curls sprouting everywhere from the humidity...not a stitch of make up on. I turn around and I be damned if he is not next to my chair on his knee. Yes his KNEE. I have been waiting for this my whole life. It was "the proposal" , I always wanted and never got. But I figured as long as the guy was the right one, who cares if the proposal wasn't what I had always dreamed of.  I heard him saying "Now, will you marry me?" I think. I was in such shock. I was so happy, I grabbed that ring and hugged his neck and squeezed him and kissed him and said " Of course!" ( We are planning a vow renewal for our 15th..some place warm). Now, I know what that crazy reaction is that women have when they are asked to marry the man of their dreams when they have been waiting for it..expecting it. The ring is gorgeous. I am totally in love with my new ring, almost as much as I am with my husband. It is very special to me because it is actually the ring I was proposed to with! To top it all off, the next day ( our actual anniversary) we had a wonderful date ( alone without children) and it was amazing hanging out with my best friend, soul mate, man of my dreams and just talk and hear and see one another. Then I found out he was going to propose that night at the restaurant..drop to his knee,in the restaurant..how romantic. There he goes jumping the gun..again! I so love this man. I can't believe that he still makes my heart swoon. Thanks baby for being everything I never knew, I always wanted! Te amo!

In honor of National Marriage Week

Apparently last week was National Marriage week. I ,myself, was so deep in the throes of actually being in a Marriage that it completely escaped me. Well, to be honest, I never knew there was such a thing. But to be fair, I think it is a wonderful idea. I mean if we can celebrate Veterans Day and President's Day, we can surely give some credit for those of us who have maintained a long and happy marriage, or maybe I should say those of us who make the decision daily to stick with it and be there and grow together through the thick and thin.Yes, that is marriage. It is choosing your best friend and planning a life together.It's not always like it was in the beginning, with all that new car smell and the fancy bells and whistles but it is definitely a worthwhile investment, if you choose wisely. It has come to my attention lately that most of my single friends have a similar response for why they are not yet married ( not that everyone needs to be married but these people I speak of have been close but never closed the deal) it seems that they expect it to always be in the "I can't keep my hands off you, you're the most awesome thing in the world, every moment I see you is like a Fijian sunset" phase. I know, my married friends reading this are chuckling and my single friends are saying , "yeah, so what?" The fact of the matter is this, that phase doesn't not stay around ( not at that intensity level) but something deeper evolves. It may not appear like my husband and I can't live without one another every second of every day but let me tell you..once you've been through several years of marriage, children being born, several moves, births, deaths, the entire world changing around you..you become one anothers beacon of love and hope. You are one anothers home. You are the place where the other can go and let down their guard and be the self they are when they are alone but they get to share it..with you.I wouldn't trade the look in his eyes that I get now for the look that I got when we were two college hotties living to jump one anothers bones. No way! Now, he looks at me in awe...like I am amazing. He knows the fortitude and strength it takes to do what I do. To be the mother of his children, to love him no matter what, to get the things done that need to be done but he also knows that when I get dressed up and do my hair, nails, make up and we are alone, I can still be that girl in college. Its just that now, I keep him fed,clothed, make our house our home, and I am his. I still see him and want to jump his bones and he does mine, as well...just now its not the only thing that we feel and see when we look at one another.
I'm not knocking my single friends, I just feel like if they are expecting the new car smell in a relationship to last forever..or worse yet, passing up happiness in search of that metaphoric "new car smell", they may be missing out on something wonderful. I have a theory about marriage, it relates to the housing market ( I have houses on the brain, since I've been searching for the past 6 months). Getting married is like buying a house, you find that house that you want to make your home and want to live forever. In reality, you may not live there forever but while you are there, it is a good investment. You make it your home, you create memories, you live and grow there. Someday, you may have to sell or want to upgrade but that home was a positive, wonderful thing in your life. It may have been where you had your children, or where you grew up yourself. It is where you lived the seasons of your life in love and security. Now, perpetual dating is like renting an apartment. You have a small commitment, no equity invested, and you can leave and upgrade or change apartments at anytime on a whim. There is no reason to stick out the rough times when the pipes are leaking, or the apartment no longer suits your furniture or lighting tastes. You simply walk away.
I personally hate apartment living, because I have lived in a house. Maybe I was meant to live in a house, but I need to be somewhere that is mine and I can invest my life , my time, my heart, and my sweat and tears into.Plus, as a sidebar, just a reminder, my single friends, its easier to break a lease than to sale a house:)

Happy Valentine's Day,Baby!

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