Truthful/Tell All Tuesday; June 15, 2010

OK, Ladies it is Tuesday and time for all of us to expunge all the crapola on our minds..lighten our load by getting rid of all that Mommy guilt! Move back, I am really about to unload  and I don't want any of you to get hit by all the shit that will be flying.
1) I really hate Mommy guilt. It is a useless emotion, it serves no purpose, and it only incurs more guilt. From the comments I received on my last post, I'd say I may have contributed to a few of you feeling some pangs of guilt. So, forgive me and don't feel guilty about not getting that baby book up to date. Feel great that you are so engaged with your children that you have NO frigging time to sit on your ass and organize a baby book. You girls rock!
2) In the spirit of throwing the Mommy guilt out of the window, I HATE that I don't take my kids outside nearly as much as I should because its too frigging hot. I know that is no excuse but I do make sure they are engaged and active. They have been working out with me. Plus, we still do fun stuff. For example, today we pitched a hello kitty tent, dressed in our finest dress up dresses, snacked on homemade granola and watched Shirley Temple's "The Little Princess" ( yeah, I know it is as old as dirt but its wholesome and its based on one of my favorite books in the world..Sara Crewe!) The girls loved it. The only reason I feel any guilt at all about this staying indoors is because a nosy old neighbor came over the other day, introduced herself( yes, I had never met her before), and said " Why don't you have your girls outside that often?" As I found myself explaining that I don't fancy letting a 3 & 5 year old loose in a yard unsupervised and I have things to do inside ( like clean, and work...I actually have a job online), I saw that disapproving look in her eyes and then she said. "Well, if they ever need to get out and play and you are BUSY ( I could so hear the implied too before the busy)....come get me. I can push them on the swing set." Nice old lady? I think not.As if I am going to leave my girls outside under the supervision of some crazy old lady. Hey, being 100 isn't a background check. I don't know you! But she did leave me feeling like a complete shit. Here is an , albeit complete stranger, old lady chomping at the bit to push my kids on the swings and I am "too busy". I felt like dirt.
3) I love when I get more followers and comments, it feels empowering and I feel like I am secretly moving towards my goal of being a published writer. SHhhhhh,lalallalala..I can't hear you. I know you are thinking to yourself..it's just a blog...get a grip! I know, but one has to start somewhere. Ponder this, the entity that is Dooce started with a blog.
4)I love my girls so much and worry on a daily basis that I a fucking them up. You know sort of like how a car starts depreciating the moment it leaves the lot..well, I feel like due to my inexperience, my kids are depreciating every second since they left the womb. Lord give me guidance and help me to keep them safe, healthy, and happy.....and to give them the world! No pressure or anything.
5)With full disclosure, I must add. I have been known to roar, complain,labor, on the fine points of Motherhood. For the last couple of weeks, some new power has come over me. I am not complaining, I'm just a little freaked out by it. I have actually found myself being able to remove myself from the moment, think, and then react. It's quite amazing. I do, in that respect, feel like a much better Mommy. Remember, just last month I was roaring at the girls. The only thing is now..I'm waiting for my super power to leave and all hell to break loose!  No judging, Judgy McJudges. This is a place to get it out and get it off your chest. Not a place to be analyzed. Happy Mothering!

P.S. Did I forget to mention how awful I feel that I have clean laundry folded and stacked up to the ceiling( Not really, but it feels like it)! I swear I'd put it away...if there were any room left !! I feel like I am playing a losing game of musical laundry, every time I have people over I have to find somewhere to 'hide' the laundry. I have a play date tomorrow, guess Mommy's closet will be bursting. Note to self, shut your bedroom door before company arrives.

Truthful Tuesday, March 16,2010; sorta!

It seems today almost slipped by without recognition; I forgot to vent for the week. I really didn't have much to be truthful about today, this week is much like last week, or so I thought. That was until I was surfing around the web and came across this little gem. No, I will not link to the actual page for the sheer fact that I refuse to direct traffic in the general direction of ,what I consider, a crock of s*it. That which I am referring to was an article about Mommies complaining, more specifically Mommy bloggers complaining under the guise of enlightening others in on our 'real' life day to day happenings. Here I thought we were trying to make it easier on everyone.Apparently, to paraphrase, this author says that Mommy bloggers that operate under the guise of being honest and telling it like it is are actually not telling the general public anything they don't already know. In fact, we are boring her with our complaining.Basically, you made your bed..now lie in it and take your medicine like a man! Oy vey, apparently, this broad is not a Mommy and has never had to defuse a toddler meltdown bomb in 60 seconds in the middle of mass! If she were, she wouldn't be such a mean, sarcastic b*tch! Here I am preaching sisterhood and friendship and this woman thinks we should all keep our collective mouth shut and just keep on pretending that its all good ,because we are boring her; maybe even annoying her. You know what's really annoying? Someone who doesn't know what the hell she's talking about telling me how I'm suppose to feel, or at the very least, react and deal with my life as a Mother. So, sufficient time has been spent being truthful about my feelings on this subject..now, off I go to take my medicine (code for deal with my lovely children). Oh wait, they are being angels today and have been sleeping for about 4 hours.I know, I will go write another post and perpetuate my bad behavior...after all, it is Truthful Tuesday (well, it was when I stated writing this post)!Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Damn you Bree Van de Kamp!

Anyone who has ever read my blog knows that I am a super advocate of sisterhood. I think that cat fights between women are ridiculous and that if we all spent a lot more time being real and supporting each other, life would be so much better for all of us. Why does it always have to be a competition? My kid does this, does  yours? My husband makes this much money, what does yours make? My house is bigger than yours. It truly is a pissing contest for women! I can keep the house immaculate, my kids listen to everything I say, sleep in their own beds, go to bed at a reasonable hour with no drama, they are reading at a 5th grade level @ the age of four, I eat but can not gain weight, my husband just keeps getting better looking, and my kids are absolute perfection, did I mention they eat absolutely everything I put in front of them. The laundry seems to do itself, I love to cook gourmet meals for every meal, I am completely organic, I made all the baby food and my babies only wore cloth diapers and drank organic, non tainted by caffeine or alcohol breasts milk. P.S. My shit doesn't stink! I live in a mansion on the corner of bliss and perfection...or was that delusional and insanity?  And you? OK, Bree friggin Van de Kamp...you are not real, you are some convoluted conjuring of what some crazy tv exec thought real life is...not even in the 1950's, my brother sister!If we'd stop trying to make the other Mommies think we have it all under control without even breaking a sweat, maybe, just maybe we'd have some back up in the trenches instead of one more enemy trying to kill our spirits and crush our souls!
So, as if that is not bad enough, that we are all running around lying to each other about how perfect and easy our lives are, we are inadvertently (or maybe purposefully) making other women (Mommies ,specifically) feel like they are losers because they don't think life is easy or perfect and neither are their kids and their husband. I mean ,myself,  I've actually winced at the prospect of having to go to the grocery store, been brought to tears trying to figure out what the hell to wear out in public to drop my kids off at some class or other, the dishes make me want to kill someone ( actually just myself..I truly hate dishes!I am not above existing on paper products!), my girls still miraculously end up in our bed in the middle of the night, I have actually been reduced to feeding them cereal for dinner (only once..I promise)....though, I must confess, my kids are pretty perfect....to me! All kids are perfect to their parents! My point is my fellow desperate housewives, we would not all be so damn desperate if we could all just get along! Next time you feel overcome with the need to blow crazy smoke up your own ass, in a coffee induced fog of meanness,  Please remember that Mommy that you are making feel 2 inches tall would probably serve you better as a cheerleader than as a doormat!
PSA: Please be kind to your fellow Mommies! She is not your enemy, she is your sister, your friend, your confidant, your tether to sanity!

Random acts of kindness

I've been mulling over something that I really want to instill in my children...random acts of kindness. I used to be one of those people who saw the bumper stickers and thought to myself, that's great but..whatever. I mean really, who has times to run around randomly being kind to one another? And if you do, what do you get out of it? Unappreciative ignorance? That was me, a year ago, sarcastic, jaded, unappreciative me. Today, I am a believer in random acts of kindness.I'm more than a believer , I am a proponent:)
In the past year, my life has changed quite a bit. I have had to put my life in the hands of others and quite literally, be dependent on the kindness of strangers because I had no choice. I was new in town, I was friendless, I was completely out of my element, and what felt like a million miles from everything and everyone I knew. It all started with a Mommy, just like any one of you, who did not know me. We were in a MOPS group I joined. We were talking, first day chit chat, and she knew I was new to town. Asking how I was getting along in a new place, if I'd joined any other activities, etc. In passing, I mentioned that I wanted to join the local Stroller Striders but ,unfortunately, had left my stroller in my house ( we were transitioning, corporate housing and all that). This woman, this complete stranger, offered me one of her strollers.  I was floored.What? Was this really happening? Was someone being generous and kind for no obvious reason other than to be a good human being and help a fellow human being out? What? What? What? That evening, that very same evening, she brought me a gently loved Nordic jogging stroller.I was amazed.
Then I met another friend,one of the most amazing women , I have ever met in my life. The kind of woman who at first glance you may think, who is this broad? Seriously, she was so  "sweet" I kept thinking, is she crazy or is she for real. I had never met anyone like her, and am pretty sure I never will again. She met me, she put 100%into the friendship, and was a walking ball of random acts of kindness. One day I was feeling under the weather, and for no other reason than  the fact that she is an amazing human being, she brought over lunch for my kids. Then dinner for my family that night. My kids were sick, she brought them treats and coloring activities. Random brownies would appear. OH, how we miss those brownies:)LOL These may not sound like big gestures but they were constant, timely, and randomly the kindest thing anyone could do..when I needed them most and expected it the least. This was just a very small amount of what she did for us, what she still does for me. Her kindness parlayed into an amazing sisterhood between the two of us. Because of her random acts of kindness, I now have one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. Her random acts of kindness have inspired me to want to be a better person, and that has to mean something.
Then there was yesterday, my daughter's preschool teacher (which my daughter no longer attends due to our recent relocation) called us and had the entire class sing Happy Birthday to my 5 year old over her cell phone.This random act of kindness may sound like a very small gesture but to my 5 year old, who has just had to leave all of her amazing friends, school, routine and relocate this meant the world. The joy that gesture made, the effect that simple act of kindness that her teacher , another amazing woman by my standards, had on my daughter.That is something that I can never repay because it is priceless.
These are just a few of the random acts of kindness that I have experienced in the past year; there's been  chocolate for no reason at all, when I've needed it most. A hug when I've been sad, smiles when I've needed a little sunshine,girl talk and martini's when I needed a breath, shopping and talking..its all about timing. Someone sitting a little longer with me at a gathering because I arrived late, someone giving me tickets to a concert for my kids that I couldn't have gotten otherwise, there are so many random acts of kindness that I have been the recipient of that there are too many to  mention. But if you know me, chances are you have perpetrated a random act of kindness in my direction. Thanks for making me a better person. Random acts of kindness are so special because they are selfless and sometimes someone's small random act of kindness can mean the world to someone who really needs that kindness and love in their life at that moment. Kindness can never hurt , it can only help! So be amazing, save a life; BE KIND!

Truthful Tuesday, March 9, 2010!

Once again, it is Truthful Tuesday. I am being truthful today about the fact that this Tuesday I will be in a right terrible mood. Why,you ask? Today is the first day in a long line of days of when my husband will be working a new job, out of town. What this means for me is that I will miss my husband, whom I actually like and will miss seeing every day. I know some couples are good with seeing each other only a few days a week but we have always been a very close couple and he is a very hands on Daddy. That leaves me lonely, busy, and probably quite crazy by the end of every week.I am not looking forward to Never getting a break within the 24 hours. I am a little scared of the ramifications it will have on my girls. Thank God we will see him at the end of every week, and that will truly be something to look forward to but that leaves me , the dancing monkey, trying to fill the space and time that will be left by his absence. We've done this before and it didn't work out very well. There were meltdowns galore, tantrums, crying spells, misplaced anger and confusion and that is nothing to say of what it did to the children:) So , my confession today is that I will miss my husband terribly and , hoping not to sound ungrateful, I hope that something closer turns up sooner than later. I'd much rather have him close and here to kiss good night every night and for my girls to have him to run to every evening when he gets home from work with excitement and wonderment in their eyes (because to them Daddy is simply amazing).Today my confession is that I will miss my husband, my best friend, more than I am allowed to tell him for fear that he will feel bad about having to go. So, I am telling you girls to get it off of my chest.Happy Tuesday!

Working out the weight Wednesday Feb.24,2010

Its that day again! Time to get some great recipe ideas to keep ourselves and our families healthy and happy.I have posted some great links on the Truth about the Motherhood FB fan page....http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-Truth-About-Motherhood/305525486452. Hope some are helpful to you and your lovelies. Please feel free to add any ideas that have worked for you and your family on weight loss, eating healthy,staying in shape, getting in shape, etc. We ,Mommies, all need to support one another in this journey to making ourselves and our families the best selves we can be!Take care!

To have a good friend, you've got to be a good friend

It seems everything we need to know in life we learn in preschool. My 4 year old has been repeating, "Mommy, to have a good friend, you've got to be a good friend!" No doubt a piece of sage advice bestowed upon her by her wonderful preschool teacher.Anyways, Bella tends to like to share these words of wisdom with Mommy. Normally, I say ,"Yes, sweetie. That is right!" But, this time I actually took the advice to heart and examined some of my own relationships.I've come to the realization that you get out what you put in and if you don't then cut them lose. So many of us go through life making acquaintances that we let pass for friends, but there is definitely a difference, as one of my closest friends told me, " It's like coming home." It's the feeling of being safe and secure to be yourself and be accepted and loved unconditionally. I don't know about you but that's what I want out of a friend. I'm not one for superficial friendships, I don't have the time or energy to play that game at this point in my life.If I call you my friend, I genuinely think of you as my friend, as family. I know that acquaintances have a place and I do have those relationships but I don't call them my friends. I don't want to spend inordinate amounts of time with them or subject my family to them. I don't call them, text them, email them. I'm a Mommy, my time is precious and few, so I decided that I need to put in what I want to get out and if its not there I gotta cut it lose. It's always disappointing though when you put it all in, only to find out the other person is only half way in. It's actually very sad and you feel let down. I don't want to be responsible for doing that to someone, and I don't want to be that kind of an example for my daughters.
I learned a lot of life lessons from my daughter and her wise preschool teacher, and those wonderful women in my life who are my friends. We have just recently moved home from spending time in a delightfully beautiful part of the country called Chesterfield, Virginia. I am convinced that it must be the closest thing to heaven on earth; it is gorgeous and the people there are amazing human beings. I don't know how they go there or why, but it works.Its like a vortex for goodness:) I hope I don't embarrass anyone but this has to be said. I don't want to spend my life wasting time and not telling people how important they are to me. When we first arrived, I was new and knew absolutely no one. The people I met there, were by far the most wonderful and genuine women I have ever met. They invited me into their lives, their hearts, their families.They were supportive and amazing. They made me feel like I was at home, even though I was hundreds of miles from where my "family" lived. I have never experienced anything like this before in my life. Who knew you could form true friendships and bonds with other women in such a short amount of time, especially as an adult. We left Virginia without a job but much richer people. I left with a heavy heart, and will miss these women and their amazing spirits . We may be geographically apart but they will always be in my heart.They took me in , extended friendship and sisterhood, when they didn't even know me. It wasn't for any reason other than to be kind to another human, but they will never know how much that kindness meant to me at that time and will always mean to me. I will miss our talks, long walks, saying hi in the hallways, sharing our childrens firsts in life, our laughter,prayers, the cocktails when we needed to decompress, but most of all I will miss their sisterhood.
I don't need to mention names, but you all know who you are and you know how you touched my heart. You have taught me that to have a good friend, I need to be a good friend. I just hope I can live my life living up to the standard that you ladies have set. If all Mommies, women , could have that kind of bond that nurtured and supported one another like you did me...the world would be a better place. Thank you, my friends, all of you. I must be doing something right, to have all of you wonderful women as my friends! Just remember, as my 4 year old once told me, "To have a good friend, you've got to be a good friend!"

Truthful Tuesdays, Feb.16,2010!

Good morning, my sunshines! It is Tuesday morning again! You know what that means. Time to let it all out:) Of course, today is Fat Tuesday..so maybe we should really get it all off our chest in anticipation of Lent.I mean who doesn't want to start Lent off with a clean conscience and a light heart! So, please join me in our weekly expelling of our "demons".As always, I will start!
I wish that when I asked my husband to call me from the road, when he is driving in bad weather and I am waiting to hear how an interview is going, he would actually do it! Instead of me having to track him down and him giving me vague answers!Argh!!
I wish that my 2 year old would keep her hands out of her sister's face. It's so bad that her older sister calls her "the Tiger". When I asked,"Why?", she simply replied,"Because she claws and bites, Mom!"Enough said!
I wish that same "Tiger" would stop bringing the glitter glue to me and forcing it into my face, narrowly escaping dropping it into my much needed coffee!
I wish that I could write this blog in silence versus the screaming, crying, chaos that ensues each time I attempt to get in front of the computer!It's like they do it on purpose!
Finally, I wish that I , along with all the Mommies I know, could do everything, be everywhere, and get as much done as we want to without filling guilty for neglecting our children, our husbands or our responsibilities! In short, I wish that we could all live free of Mommy guilt!!!
Ahhh, breathe in, breathe out! My husband just woke up...yeah, just now. Must be nice! I better go and inform him that I am bestowing the honor of driving in the blizzard to get the groceries. Ahhhh, sweet revenge!LOL
Your turn! As I have said before, do it anonymously if you like but please...get it off your chest! No infraction too small or too large. We will love you still and think you are an awesome Mommy...just for being human and trying!Come on girls....Do the Fat Tuesday!!!

Truthful Mommy has a Facebook!

It was requested and now we have one! Just click on the widget on the top right hand of this page and you too can be Truthful Mommy's friend!Hope today's as wonderful as you want it to be, and as great as you deserve!Happy Mothering!

Truthful Tuesday!!

Good morning, my lovelies! It is once again that time of the week. The day that we can come to our safe haven and expunge all of the wreckage of the week from our souls! Don't be afraid, we won't bite. Just take your load and dump it here! Happy Tuesday! I'm sure tomorrow will be better!
So, that being said, here are my 3 (yeah its been that kind of week) for the day; I wish so badly that my 2 year old could wipe her own little butt. It's not that I don't like helping her out but this week my back has decided to go out and it is rather impossible for me to bend over to her level to wipe her without doubling over in pain, which at any moment could become permanent form if the back decides to completely seize up. It's like a really awful game of slots. I am just praying for no whammies!
I am wishing I could grant my four year old's wish, to teach her a lesson. Last night, she informs us that she wants to be an only child.Little too late for that one, we have 2 children. I so want to banish her from her little sister for 24 hours so that she knows how much she would truly miss her. Of course, at the mere mention of grounding her away from her sister, she went into hysterics and said she only needed a couple hours!
OK, I have one more. I wish that I could freaking find my back pain medicine amongst all the rubble that is my slowly but surely unpacked house. You know the house I just packed up in January and moved 1/2 way across the country,only to have them inform us 7 days later that we would be returning home. Not to be stuck on repeat but I am perfectly within my rights to be pissed at this situation.All 10 of the times I was searching for my meds in the past 3 days, I have wanted to kick somebody's teeth in. I have yet to hurt anybody and the meds are still lost in space. I know you are wondering, "Why doesn't she go see her Dr. and get more?" The answer is simple,with the return home and the downsizing, we lost our insurance.So there you have it, the gift that just keeps on giving!!! Hugs all around!!

Truthful/Tell all Tuesdays; Round two!

Good morning and happy Tuesday to you all. It's been a long week of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Here's where Mommies can come to vent and get rid of some of that unwanted weight, metaphorically speaking anyways. Though, the more I think of it, there could very well be a link between carrying the weight of the world and holding a little extra baggage around our middles! But that's another post altogether! LOL Today, we're gathered here to vent and unload. You can comment anonymously if you prefer. I just want you to get it off your chest and off your mind. You'll feel better, I promise. I'll go first; Sometimes, when my 4 year old goes all Miley Cyrus mouthy on me and proclaims ( at the top of her lungs, no less) "I hate you Mother(Mudd-Da)!!" , usually for the infraction of telling her it's time to put away her toys and go to bed ( apparently between 3-4, that became a crime punishable by death).On "those" occassions, sometimes I wish I wouldn't be given the worst mother of the year award and could in fact respond , " Oh yeah sister? Well..,ME friggin Too!!!!!!!" Of course, I wouldn't mean it by any means( well not past that instant anyways)but it sure would be refreshing to have the option:) Wow! I feel better already just sharing it with you girls.Thanks for the love and support. Next time, let's do this over coffee! Oh sweet catharsis, have a delightfully guilt free day of mothering! I know I plan to!

Truthful Tuesdays

OK, Ladies. I know we are all perfect Mommies, as perfect as we can be, on any given day depending on whether or not we've had our coffee and/or enough sleep the night before. But I think Tuesdays should be our new vent day. I thoroughly believe that all Mommies need to ban together and help one another fight the good fight. Let's support each other and learn from one another. SO, hence forth..lets take Tuesdays to air our dirty laundry or lets say to be truthful about some of our not so perfect moments. It will help other Mommies know they are not alone in the way they are feeling and it will probably be good for a chuckle for all of us. So, lets meet here on Tuesdays...http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/. Post something that makes you feel like less than a perfect Mommy, sign it anonymously if you'd like, get it off your chest and help someone else out! I'll be here Tuesdays, I hope you will too!

Frogs are for soup, Friends are forever!

Today I was reminded if a growing trend in today's world, especially in regards to Mommies. You see, I am fully aware of the fact that, it is near impossible to make real friends as an adult. I know we make acquaintances on a daily basis, but real , honest to goodness friends who you can be yourself with. You know the friends that you can have those heart to hearts with and actually let your guard down without fear of backlash. Those same ladies that you would actually let see you without makeup and not have to worry that they were judging you.
With my first child,in my naivete, I truly thought that every woman I met, who had a child of my child's same age, would have an instant connection with me and I with her. I started taking my baby to classes and forming play groups with Mom's who I just knew were going to be my life long friends. The type of relationships you hear your Mom tell you about.Her best friend that she met at the hospital when they were both in labor at the exact same moment and they have been best friends since that day forward. But soon, I was slapped in the face with reality. The reality, my friends, is that just the fact that you have children of the same exact age does not mean that you have anything else in the world in common. The only thing it really means is that you both were pregnant at the same time and you are both really freakin tired. I've done this dance countless times, trying to find a fit. Once I got over the shock of reality and accepted that fact, things got better. I came to realize that if you are looking for play dates and play mates for your children, you will do fine.That is exactly what play dates are, after all. But if you are going into it expecting something more, you are probably in for disappointment. Its like going on a blind date and claiming him to be your soul mate before even meeting the poor guy and realizing he's actually an alien ...from another planet, not another country. Sure, there are accidental occurrences when you set up a routine play date and meet your Mommy soul mate.But that is the exception, not the rule.It saddens me that in a world and a time in our lives when women could benefit so much from sisterhood, it feels as if its almost nonexistent. What I am referring to is the fact that a lot of Mommies spend the time with their other Mommy friends comparing their children like prized cattle and heaven forbid anybody admit to being human and needing help. I think that if we, as women, could feel like we could be ourselves and ask for help from one another, without being judged for it or given the stink eye, our quality of life would be so much better.Also, we could all help one another become better people and better Moms, simply by giving one another support and a friendly ear. All this being said, sometimes we are lucky enough to meet other women/Mommies who are in fact our true friends. We meet, we hit it off, and the rest is history. My point being that don't go into play dates expecting anything more than play mates for your child and you will be completely satisfied with your experience. When one of those friendships parlays into a true girlfriend you will be pleasantly surprised. And when you find those kinds of friendships, nurture them, be a true friend yourself, and open yourself up to be yourself ( give yourself a break). These friendships are amazing. I have been blessed in my life to find some really great friends through my children.Women who actually look at you with understanding and compassion in their eyes when they see you the morning after a long night up with a sick child, not looking at you wondering why you look so awful and are acting so grouchy. Women who will literally give you the clothes off their back, bring you food when you are hungry or just to tired or stressed to cook, or volunteer to watch your kids when you look like you need it the most; these women and their friendships are priceless.They are worth all the so-so play dates, while have there place and purpose, don't necessarily fulfill your personal needs. Its like finding your prince after kissing all of those dang frogs:)LOL Frogs are for soup, friends are forever. To all my Mommy girlfriends, you know who you are, thanks for waiting while I was hanging out with all those frogs. So glad to have your friendship, your conversation, your support and your love. To all my frogs, Rib-bit, thanks for the play dates:)