Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Honey, we need to talk

When I was in my 20's, I felt I was too young to have kids.When I actually did have my first girl, in my early 30's, I was planning to plan to have a baby. Then we planned Gabs and after 1 month of actively trying, we were pregnant. When is the right time? There really is no right time. It's like that moment right before the wax is removed from your upper lip, its scary as hell but sometimes you've just got to pull the trigger or you'll never accomplish anything. If we were all to afraid of the certain pain it takes to remove the wax, we'd all be running around either with hot wax or hair on our upper lips. Am I too old to have any more? Has my womb become a cavernous black hole filled with cobwebs and brittle remnants of my past? These are the thoughts that plague my mind in my 5 seconds of free time every single day, lately.

I don't feel 38, I feel the same as I did when I was 25 but much, much wiser in the ways of the world, relationships, and myself. After Gabs was born, we were conflicted whether or not to have another baby. After all, we already had these 2 perfect little girls and, at least me, felt that to have any more might be getting greedy.The Big Guy and I discussed it and decided to make a decision by the time Gabs was 2.Two came and went and it was basically accepted that we were a family of 4. We both breathed a sigh of relief that we had made a decision...sort of. Gabs is now 3 and I am not sure what I feel anymore.

The Big Guy occasionally makes a joke that we need to have " a boy"..you know our illusive unicorn baby. I'm not sure if he's joking just to drive me insane or if he actually might want another baby.It starts getting hard when you see that your babies are no longer babies. Bella's in kindergarten and it feels like she already has one foot out of the door. Every day she becomes more and more independent. I realize that is what we want to happen. She is amazing but with each new miracle and milestone she performs, we know its only a matter of time that she is no longer in need of our immediate care. Then there is Gabs, who is just  so sweet and lovable and squishy but each day I can see her getting her big girl face and it breaks my heart. She is picking up everything at lightening speed because she is her sister's little clone.

Lately I have noticed myself wondering what if? How would this be? How would our lives change? I just don't know if its a genuine hunger for another baby or is it not wanting to have my options closed or am I just feeling the twitches of my uterus a little more than usual because my girls are growing up so quickly? How do you know when you are absolutely done? Obviously, it will start with a serious talk with the Big Guy.It's a little hard to broach the subject when I'm not sure how I feel myself and he's only here on the weekends. That's a pretty serious topic to hit him over the head with when he walks in the door on a random Friday evening.

 Then there is the factor that no matter how old I may feel, I am, in fact, 38. I always told myself no babies after 35. It was like this magical stopping point because of risks and statistics. Of course, I have spoken to my doctor and she says that I am perfectly healthy and another baby would not be an issue. Then again, there are NO guarantees in life. None! Have  I mentioned to you that I am a complete control freak.Then I get that feeling of tempting the fates, again.I am so conflicted. To be clear, there is no baby in the works. It's just something I've been thinking about a lot lately and I thought you ladies could weigh in.So, my question to you ...what's too old to get pregnant? How did you know that you were done having babies..for certain? I just keep having a feeling that I am supposed to be the Mommy of 3 but that could just be the baby pictures I just looked at talking. But how could these pictures not make your uterus twinge?

You do have to admit, we do good work! Look at those gorgeous little girls!


  1. I have three daughters (that one last try for a boy... well.. it didn't work!) and I can say without a doubt that when you are truely DONE, you will know it! After my last daughter was born, I did think about having another one, but as they've all grown older and I've figured out that there are more things in life I want to do than sit in a carpool lane, I have completely lost those feelings or yearnings for a baby.

    I'm 41 and the thought of having another baby is a horror for me! I love my three girls, but I don't have any itchings or tingling to have more. Hearing a crying child in the store or a restaurant drives me nuts, before it didn't bother me, but now I want to run screaming out of their too! LOL

    Now what does this mean... well my advice to you would be to pray about it, talk it over with your hubby, give it some time. If the yearnings don't go away, then maybe you should have another angel of joy, but if they pass then you'll know that you really are 'done'.

    Whatever you decide, I'm sure you will be happy!

  2. How could you not want another one as gorgeous as the first two!? :)

    In all seriousness, I have always hoped to have 3 or more. But with all our stuff Pie might be it. And as awesome as she is, it makes me sad.

    I think if you're thinking about having another one, you will more likely than not be happy with the decision to go for it. Most people I know that are done having babies know it without a doubt.

  3. Well, it sounds like if I was, I'd know!I still have doubt so maybe I am not certain...yet. Sounds like a little time and perspective and a long talk with the Big Guy are in order!Thanks for the advice ladies!

  4. your girls are so beautiful!!!! Just think you could have a handsome little boy that looks as much like you as those beautiful girls look like their daddy! A beautiful little boy with dark eyes, dark hair and tan skin!!!! If you are itching I say scratch it!!! LOL...if it's in the cards it will happen!

  5. You'll know when you're ready! ;)

    I had two boys first and then was blessed with my princess.

    And I CANNOT believe how much your little girls look like their daddy! It's all in the eyes!

  6. After seeing those cute faces in the pictures how could you not have one more! Your girls are beautiful.

    I will say that everyone has assured me including my big sis that when you're done you'll know.

    35 was always my magic number too but the older i get the more i see myself having one or two beyond that point. Go for it. The worst that could happen is that you have another gorgeous daughter. :)

  7. Awwww.....your two are absolutely beautiful!

    Just found your blog today. Looking forward to reading more of your adventures in mommyhood!

  8. Thanks Ladies. They are pretty adorable but it would be awesome to finally have one to look like me
    @ Baby Boberg & parents,You are right, 1 more adorable girl wouldn't be a bad thing either!

  9. I hear you Mama. Its such a hard decision. I was a little different though. I always said I wanted to be done by 30 but now.. Now I am not so sure. I love my two boys. I love our family dynamic but then, in the back of my mind, there is always the little voice saying "what if?". I would love to have another little boy. I have always been a good pregnant person, I am one of the few that really likes to be pregnant. I love the screamy newborn stage. I just love being around kids in general. That is what pulls at me more than anything. I think "Can I really be done, just because of a number or an age?". Its still undecided. My husband is all for it.

    Anyway, yeah. lol. I know what you mean. I hope you are able to make a decision that both of you can be at peace with.

  10. I've heard that when you're done you'll know it. Everyone I know who is done having babies knows that they are done without a shadow of a doubt about it.

    I on the other hand know that I am NOT done. I have two gorgeous baby boys and I know I want to have at least 1 or 2 more and then adopt at least one, but that's me.

    Talk to your husband, pray about it, think some more, do all that stuff. If you want to have another baby then you will keep thinking about it, keep dreaming and hoping about it. If you keep thinking about it and your husband wants to try again then I say go for it! Like someone else said at the end of the journey the worst thing that can happen is that you'll have 3 beautiful children instead of 2 beautiful children.

    Talk to your husband, and if he feels the same way then go for it! You two will know if that is what is right for your family.

    As far as timing, who cares! It's never the PERFECT time to have a baby, you could always have a bit more money, a bit more time a bit more this a little more that etc. so I don't think the timing should play too much of a factor in these things. Sometimes you've just gotta jump straight in, feet first.

  11. I once heard a talk show on women of a certain age. Without a doubt their biggest regret was not having more children when they would have liked to...maybe. They didn't know at the time either. I have always wanted 4 children. I have 3. The last one (my daughter Olivia) has Anglemans Syndrome. It's not a bad thing. She has taught us so much in life that we wouldn't have learned otherwise. I never would want life without her, disability and all. That being said, NOW the question of a fourth has become a lot bigger as you can imagine since we have one special needs and want to make sure everything is good for her and she gets what she needs, etc. I know though, way deep inside, I will regret not having another one if we don't. As scary as having another in the immediate future sounds, for me? it's worth it. I think it is the right decision for our family.

  12. It's totally true. You'll be completely certain that you are done (in a setting outside of the actual birthing experience, lol)

    I've always been afraid that "this will be my last baby" or that "this might be the last baby i nurse" or that "I may never get to feel the flutters and jabs of another life growing withing me". This time, I'm cherishing every moment, content to know this is the last time I will feel and experience those things. I'm at peace with it this time, because it's my desire, not something that I have to succumb to because my spouse or circumstances are forcing me to that conclusion.

    Don't remove all chances until you want to be sure there is no chance :)

  13. I think to each her own. For me personally, I think I'll only have 2 so 35 isn't unrealistic for me. But I have friends who are older and 35-40 is totally reasonable. I just know that personally, it'll probably be before then. I don't want my daughter having 10 years between her and a sibling.

    Darn cute kids you got!

  14. I did not get married until I was 38, so I knew if we even were able to have a child, it would be one and done. Our daughter was born when I was 40. If I had reached that milestone w/out getting pregnant, we would have stopped trying. As it is, we feel very blessed that it all worked out OK.

    Truth be told, I would love to have another child. But it is way too risky at my age. So for me it is not a case of feeling that I am done. I simply am, like it or not. And I have struggled with that somewhat. But most days I am at peace with it.

  15. Oh, you've been peeking inside my brain! Hubby and I have been having discussions about this since our 2nd daughter was born. (We have two daughters, 5 and 2).

    I feel deep, deep inside me that I'm not done yet, but time is not on my side (I'm 40). As of now, I'm just leaving it in God's hands.

    I hope and pray that an answer comes to you.

  16. Oh my goodness your girls are so BEAUTIFUL!!

    John and I decided we wanted to have two naturally and adopt one. But if we happen to have two of the same gender we'd try for another birth child in hopes of having a different gender before we adopt.

    We'll see what happens.

    I hope whichever decision you come to, that it brings you happiness times infinity!

  17. OMGosh girl you are singing my song!!! I am so conflicted with this right now. SO much! I am 36 and have three kids. They are no longer babies and I am not sure if the feelings I have are just missing the baby stage or if I should have another. My husband is so done though. It would take a miracle to get him on board. I have just decided to go with the if it happens it happens mentality.
    I agree about the age 35 thing but more and more these days women in the mid 40s are having babies. Look at Kellie Preston, she's 47!

  18. I think you're the most wonderful mother I have ever known, and any little baby would be really lucky to be you're child. There are tons of unqualified ladies out there knocking them out like little softballs, but you are beyond qualified, and we need more mentally stable youth in this world. So just DO IT. ;)

  19. oh sweet mama is your site ever divine! your pictures are gorgeous and your story so resonates! we have two girls and...wait for it...a boy! and honestly? now i couldn't possibly imagine our family any other way! i am so-very-glad that i came across your site today!

  20. Awwwwwwww!! Those pictures just melted my heart. I know. I have the same thoughts. My kids are similar ages to yours and I sometimes regret the fact that my hubs already had a vasectomy. But at the same time, I am really happy with my two sweet boys and it is nice to be entering a stage where they can both do things for themselves. Going places with them is a cinch now and doesn't take 3 hours preparation just to go to the grocery store. But yes. Those cuddly baby cheeks and squishy thighs. Would I have another if I could? I just might. Good luck with your decision! Your family is beautiful.

  21. I'm trying to answer all of you via your emails:)
    I love you! WHen are you coming home again! I need to give you a big hug!
    @Purseblogger,I'm realizing that my song is a pretty popular one:) I'm glad someone else out there understands the confliction.You do have to admit, babies do kinda rock!
    @Minnesota Mamaleh, Welcome my friend. Hope you can stop and stay awhile!
    Thanks lady. See those damn pictures can get you!Maybe I should show the Big Guy the pics before we talk:)LOL Of course, I better be sure what I want before I start talking:)

  22. Awww...these pictures almost made me tear up (yes, I'm PMS-ing). I lovvvve the one of Bella holding Gabs. Such dolls! What a lovely family you have.


Love to hear your thoughts on my truth! Please leave some love, insight , or even disagreement with mine. I believe in free thought and speech. Happy Mothering!!