Friday, September 10, 2010

Mommy; The straw that broke the camels back

I pick Bella up from school today.It's Thursday, you know, the day before Friday.The day by which the kids are exhausted from a week of no naps,its been Bella's first week of walking through the big doors and down to class all by herself,  and we're still ,apparently, having issues with her feeling "left out" because kindergartners are still trying to get their bearings.
At pick up, I was talking to one of the other half day Moms about setting a play date.Gabs had fallen asleep on the way and was pretty much out of sorts. Bella mosies up to us and instead of her normal reception of a flurry of kisses from me and Gabs running into her arms down the hallway all movie style like, she had to walk to us because , as I mentioned, Gabs was half asleep and I was in mid sentence.No big deal, right?
Wrong! So wrong. We get into the car and immediately I see the sour puss in the back seat. "What's wrong Bella?"Bella:"Nothing!" You know the nothing that most certainly means something, if not everything. Then she tells me, " Mommy, no one would play with me at recess!" Me: (I'm more than a little frustrated with the situation because this is like the third time in 2 weeks)"Who did you ask?" Bella:"EVERYBODY!!!" Me:"What did they say?"
Bella:"They said they were already playing with somebody and to ask someone else" At this point, I am detecting some very distinct disdain.She continues on hurt and mad; pretty much more upset and pissed off than I have ever seen her. I feel horrible for her. I mean, nobody wants to see their baby have hurt feelings.
We get home. I am really concerned at this point. She is to the point of tears and she is literally fuming. I am pretty sure that at one point I saw smoke emanating from her tiny little ears. She is pacing the house and crying in frustration. She looked like she felt like I did when her sister had colic and I was walking my ass off just to soothe her. You know that at your wits end look? Breaking down ,can't take the humanity anymore look? Yeah,that one.
I keep trying to inquire. She keeps shutting me down. I heard something about wanting to punch someone and feeling left out.Oh and she shouted that she hated school.Not what you want to hear from your kindergartner on her 3rd week.By this point, I am frustrated because her reaction seems out of whack with her personality. So, I question some more. What did they say? Did someone touch you? Did someone hurt you? Who said what? But she is just getting more and more angry.My heart is breaking. I feel totally helpless, but know that there is no way I am letting my baby go to school just to feel belittled and left out. So, I email the teacher to see if she could help me out. I just need a person on the inside who is aware of the situation.I can't stand idly by as my child is being broken down. The teacher emailed me back post haste assuring me that she would address the situation and that it is very common but has not noticed an issue with Bella . But she said she was going to look into it none the less. Thank God. But it wasn't helping me ease Bella's hurt..right now. So, I kept trying to talk to her and she was literally mad at me. Her hurt was turning into anger towards me, probably for making her go there in the first place.Finally, an hour later, she tells me that what really upset her was the fact that I did not kiss and hug her immediately when I saw her. She said she felt like I didn't miss her. Apparently, the kids not playing with her hurt her feelings but the Mommy not covering her in kisses immediately upon seeing her was too much. I was the straw that broke the camels back today.Then, we both ugly cried..really hard for about 3 minutes, and then she took my face in her little hands and said "its OK Mommy. I know you didn't mean it." And I cried a little more and told her that she has to tell me these things because I would NEVER want to be the source of her pain. Then the two of us, looking like two matching red spotted leopards hugged and kissed it out, with Gabs , of course.Instantly, she forgave me and I will NEVER not kiss her and hug her the moment I see her for the rest of my life..even if I am talking to the president of the United States, the Pope, or  Alexander Skarsgard, Sorry boys, my Bella needs to know her Mommy loves her!

5 comments:

  1. Hugs to you mommy! I'm sure Bella will figure out the recess thing over the next few days... and you now know the importance of the kisses even if she doesn't initiate... sounds like a good learning day...

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  2. School is such a transition. My second grader is having a rough time going from 1st to 2nd to the point where he's attempting to lie to get out of going to school. :( It's so rough on them. Hang in there!!

    ~Abbi @ Musings of Motherhood

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  3. poor kid, I am so worried about my girl being left out when she starts her preschool next week, it's almost making me feel sick inside! I don't know what I'm going to do when she starts going to real school next year! Oh goodness, I guess it's all part of them growing up but seriously so stressful for mom!!

    Here from boost my blog :)

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