Mommy Friends; Worth their Weight in Gold

We all know that our friends are priceless. A good friend to share your thoughts with and have some camaraderie with really can make life a lot happier.It makes things fun. You have a cheerleader, someone who always 'gets' you.Someone, aside from your husband, who you can be yourself with and they still love you...perks and quirks.

There is something even more precious than a friend and that is the rare mythical creature called a Mommy friend.I'm not referring to the ladies in the  drop off line that you share nothing with other than being mothers of kindergartners. I am not referring to the ladies in the Moms Groups that have to be nice to you because you go to church together.I'm not even referring to those Stroller Striding, Gymboree, baby wearing mates that you spend your days with. Hell, I am not even touching on the Moms you met through common friends and who you have coffee and gossip with while the kids run a muck.The group I am referencing is that very small piece of the population that you meet through some kid like function, your eyes meet, she looks normal, your kids like her kids, her kids like your kids, and you actually can have a conversation outside of your children about, you know, the other things in your life. *gasp*

I know its verboten to speak of such things but it happens occasionally. You know the lady you unsuspectingly meet at ballet class or while at the library checking out dvds books and you have the same parenting technique, you are both drowning in the velvet sea of children and someone takes mercy and tosses the other a flotation device...you know, to save her life!And its like falling in love, but without all the sex to mess it up. You recognize her by her nervous smile and exhausted sighs. In that moment, she rescues you from the isolation that was your island of parenting solitude.

I've always had a lot of friends.That's just who I am. I come from a large family and that's what we do..people and relationships. When you're from a large family with not a lot of money, you have to develop a personality.It's the only thing that you've got to offer. I noticed as I had children, loads of my friendships fell to the wayside. Not because I chose it, or even they did, but we grew apart. Either they didn't have kids or our kids were at vastly different stages in life, leaving us in vastly different stages of motherhood.It makes a difference.It's like being at the beginning of life or the end of life. Of course we could benefit from that relationship but who has the time or energy when you are trying to chauffeur, cook, fold, clean, wipe asses, comb tangled hair,stop littles from eating the toothpaste and running into the street, and about 2000 other things simultaneously.

Its a little scary. I have two children and in the 5 years that they have been alive, I have made 5 in real life Mommy friends. Yes, of course I've met plenty of wonderful ladies to have play dates with or chat up during drop off and pick up but only 5 have I shared a real connection. Only 5 do I want to sit down and talk about whats really going on in my life. Only 5 that would want to share a glass of wine and  get my advice. Only 5 that I can unleash my verbal diarrhea on and them actually engage with a thoughtful answer and not a head shake, blank stare and a "Right, right". These ladies are my village. These ladies are the ones who have seen me at my best and my worst and don't judge me for it. Don't think less of me for being human.These friends are worth double their weight in gold. They are my tether to sanity.They are amazing.

Who are your Mommy friends?How and where did you meet them? What do you think qualifies a true Mommy friendship?

Friday Social; Time to make some new friends!

Truthful Tuesdays, March 3, 2010; A day late & a dollar short!

We will resume ot our normal schedule tonight! I have not abandon you! Road trip today to Davenport. I am sure I will have lots to tell you tonight! P.S. Truthful Tuesdays, I was running around like a maniac..so here goes.... Sometimes,hmmmhmm, wish my husband could calm down a little and not stress so much. I know, pot calling the kettle black!
Wish I was a better Mommy!  Feeling like I don't do nearly enough constructive things with the kids. Decided to make schedule! We will see if that helps! I promise to limit tv to a minimum.
Thats mine. See  ya all tonight!!!

Truthful Tuesday; February 23,2009!

OK, Truthful Tuesdays....once again, we are gathered here to expunge our psyche's of all of this unnecessary bullshit that we've been carrying with us in tortured silence and not so silent misery.No judgment, no ramifications, just support and love from those of us who are exactly where you are....the brink of insanity, the end of our rope, a not so high ledge. No matter the circumstances, we are with you. Today, I'd like to confess that I wish my 4 year old, who has just learned to whistle, would stop whistling! It is incessant and relentless!I actually have started to hear it, even when she isn't doing it. I have developed a raging case of phantom whistling.
I, also, wish that my 2 year old would stop asking me, "Why?" about absolutely everything!!!Argh!!!I do mean everything! Example: "Gabs, please put on your shoes" Gabs:"Why?" Me: "Because we need to go somewhere." Gabs:"Why?" Me: "Because we have an appointment." Gabs: "Why?" Me: "Because I said so!" (oh yeah, I have become 'that' Mother) Gabs: "Why?" Oye vey, this kids gonna break me!
And I am peeved that, though I know we are fortunate, I hate the idea of my husband being "out of town" for 3/4 of the week for his new job. I can't tell him or anyone else because I would seem like an unselfish wretch...but I can tell you girls anything! Happy Tuesday!

Don't underestimate the power of a good friend!

I sometimes forget how important it is to have friends. I get so wrapped up in my own mind, with my day to day activities and errands, children, husband, that I completely become oblivious to the things that I need, as me, the person. There is so little time left for that part of me that I forget what makes her tick, her wants and needs. A long time ago, before husband and kids, when I was just "Me", I used to have a plethora of friends. I was every ones friend and everyone was my friend. I don't mean those superficial acquaintances that we let pass for friendship , as we get older, but honest to goodness, tell all your business to friends. Now, they are pretty far and few between and damn near impossible to make a true friendship.First of all because who has the time and energy to get above a dull murmur of attention to first finding and then investing in a real friendship.I mean once you are an adult with all these other responsibilities, who has time to form friendships, real ones? Secondly, now its not just you. You have to like them, the kids have to get along, and almost impossible, the husbands have to like each other and not annoy the hell out of the potential friend. So, we are looking at what , a 1 in a million chance?So, definitely near the impossibility level. So, we must cherish the friends we have who knew us when we were us, before we became who we are:)We also must be open to new friendships, no matter how impossible they may seem. Sometimes friendships find us, when we least expect them. I still have my friends from when I was "Me" but we have either grown up, grown apart, moved apart or moved on.Some of the friendships have grown together and evolved into deeper more meaningful friendships and some have devolved or disappeared completely. But every once in awhile, someone comes along and they feel like a forever friend and those are the ones who usually end up in it for the long haul.I have a friend that I met in college and we have been through holding each others hair in college and going to frat parties, being in each others weddings, pregnancies, children, jobs.A hundred years could pass and we always can pick right back up where we left off. That is true friendship. To find that in adulthood, is amazing. When you find a friend, a real ,honest to goodness friend, who you can talk with, laugh with, and most importantly be yourself and not feel like you are being judged or on an interview;nurture those friendships, put your heart and the time into them.They will grow like a garden if you give them the attention they deserve and you will be happier having done so. As adults, we let a lot of the luxuries of life disappear because we feel like we have to give all of ourselves to our families and careers. But if we don't keep something for ourselves, really what do we have to give them? So, don't underestimate the power of a good friend. Sometimes they can be your lifeline back to the real "you".