A bubonically bitching week

It's been one of those weeks. The girls have both been sick for a week, I am sick, my husband comes home this weekend and he is getting sick. Everybody feels like crap, we stay in our jams, there's barfing, coughing up lungs, spitting ( oh yeah..so ladylike), fevers galore, me putting the girls in luke warm baths to bring down fevers ( any idea what that's like? Its like bathing a cat!) and thermometers sticking out of every orifice in the house. It's basically been a three ring sick circus and I've been designated the damn ring master of Germapalooza. Just for the record, its no fun being the ring master when you feel like shit. Summer sickness? What is that? At least when I am sick in the winter, I feel like the malaise is confined to my body; my person. In the summertime, with the heat, I feel like the entire universe is conspiring to kill me. It is horrendous.Couple that with having to watch more poor babies be sick, the helplessness that comes with that in itself; I feel absolutely miserable! You all know how badly I felt this week, I mean Monday I called my  own Mommy for help. (She didn't come but that's another story altogether).Here, I am walking around in a fever induced delirium trying to force fluids and keep track of meds for my girls, charting temps, rationing toast,and wiping noses and asses...all week long...all while trying not to pass out myself. Is that even safe? Fortunately for me, a family who is sick and ailing together..naps together. Ahh, naps, you sweet , sweet bastards you helped me survive this week.
Amidst all of this bubonic bliss, I couldn't help but take a little inventory of my house and myself. Brilliant , right? I look in the mirror and see the crypt keeper with bed head, eye boogers and fever blisters. Pretty , right? What's more pathetic is I look at my usually adorable kids and the poor babies, they look like..well, the crypt keepers children. Worse than that, I do care but I am too sick and tired to do anything about it. So, I put the kids on the sofas and we lie there in our ugly silence , sipping tepid water, wiping our noses and watching Netflix! Then , my crazy little over active brain takes over. It's been known to do that. I'm a thinker, sometimes I wish I could just be vacuous...blissfully vacuous!
In true Mommy fashion, I decided that every morning before I started feeling my worst, I would make an attempt to clean my house. As a general rule, I have been working until I feel faint from the cold meds. (I learned that lesson the hard way while trying to place some decor above the kitchen cabinets. I turned around so quickly on the chair that I got dizzy and lost footing. Thank God I caught myself, the hospital would have locked my girls and I away for good if we came into the emergency room looking the way we did.) After almost falling and or collapsing for the third time, I decided to give myself over to the disease and accept that sometimes we just need to take off our Mommy Super woman cape and say," To hell with it, I need a nap!" Because in the end, who cares what we look like or the house looks like when we are sick..we're sick. What is important is that we take care of ourselves so that we can get well...and take care of our sick husbands! At least that's what I've been told!Happy and Healthy Mothering!

Sick Mommy Walking

Coming off this past weekend where I just spent every ounce of my energy tending to two very sick little girls, you can imagine my dismay when I called my own Mother this morning ( who was supposed to be coming for a week long visit)  only to find out she has changed her mind.

It went a little something like this:

Me: "Hi, Mommy (Yes, I still call her Mommy). So, when are you getting here?"
Mom:Hesitation in her voice, damn she must have read my FB updates about sick kiddies, "Well, I am trying to figure that out. When do you think would be best?"
Me: "Well, I thought you were coming tomorrow."
Mom: "Well, I'm trying to figure out what will work out best for BOTH of us."
Me: "Mom, the girls have both been sick all weekend. I am exhausted and to be honest, I think I am getting sick too. I could really use your help with the girls THIS week!"
Mom: " Sick? What kind of sick? I think maybe I should come the week before the 4th of July."
I think as soon as I confirmed the sickness rumors and she heard the word "sick" all she heard from then on out was white noise.

WTF????? Did she misunderstand that I just asked my MOMMY for help? What part of "I need help with the girls" is she having trouble understanding?

Me: " Mom, are you coming or not?"
Mom: "Well, what do you think would be best?" ( I thought we just went over this!)
Me: Again, am I not speaking English? "I think I need you THIS week. The girls are getting well and will want to be playing outside and I will want to be in bed dying."
Mom: "Ok, well you let me know.(Hello? Is this thing on?)  Oh, by the way, can you come here this weekend for you brother's birthday party?" Commence my eye rolling and seizure having.
Me: WTF???Seriously, what the hell is going on here? Where is Ashton Kutcher, surely I must be getting punked! I love this woman but I am thoroughly confused. Apparently, we were playing a game of Chinese telephone that I had no idea that I was engaged in because she understood absolutely nothing of what I was saying." OK, Mom. I will call you back."

Apparently, my Mom doesn't want to come take care of my children while I am sick but won't actually say no. She's from the south, they don't like to be "ugly" about things. So, to recap; as I was being Supah Dupah Mommy this weekend taking care of any and all urges and whims of my poor sick children, my Mom is probably at home , at thsi ver moment, Lysoling the receiver to be sure she doesn't catch my cooties through her land line. How can she be my Mom and we be such different types of Mommies? I should add that she only lives an hour away and she ALWAYS tells me , "When you are sick, if you ever need me to come help with the girls..JUST CALL!" I did! So much for that idea. Now, here I go back to my whining sick children ( Gabs is lying in bed making a sound like a dying calf) as I try my best not to go delirious with my own fever. Happy Mothering!