Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Don't mess with my kid or I may( or may not) make you my Bitch

Bella has been in kindergarten now for two weeks, tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, its been an adjustment for all of us. Bella wants to be home with us. Gabs doesn't want to miss out on a single breath her sister makes and me, well, I just think the years are passing by far too quickly for my liking.
Every morning, we do our routine. Every morning, Bella drags her feet because she's afraid we'll do something without her.Every morning, Gabs seems a little unsure if she should let her big sister leave her for the next 4 hours. And every morning, I tell myself that this letting go will eventually get easier...on all of us. I think we are so tight because we have been the three musketeers for so long, with Daddy traveling. No matter what has been going on, amidst all the chaos, they know one thing is constant...the three of us are there to support one another. I know it sounds kinda crazy but when you've been moved around and things have changed so much , as they have for us in the last year and a half, you learn to rely heavily on the certainties and unconditionals; one another. Every day my girls tell me at least once, "You're my best friend Mommy" and I tell them back " You're my best friend too baby!"
 Now, my Gabs is a little timid but my Bella she is a "bright star" (as her preschool teacher has referred to her) and , like me, she jumps in and makes friends right away. She introduces herself and she's just a very likable child ( if I do say so myself) unlike her little sister who may or may not claw your eyes out if you get too close....depending on her daily disposition.

The other night, Bella was in a little bit of a funk at bedtime. I asked what was wrong. Then she told me; "Mommy, I don't have any friends at school. No one will play with me on the playground" and then she began to tear up. My gut reaction was to hold her close , shield her from the cruel world, and say " Screw those kids if they are too stupid to be your friend" That's just the crazy Mom in me coming out but instead I asked her if she had tried to play with anyone. She said that she had asked several girls in her class but they were all playing by themselves and the 3 girls that were actually playing together, one was pretending to be the master and the other two were her dogs! So, first I explained not to EVER play with someone who makes you be their dog. Then I explained that if everyone was playing by themselves, they are all probably still nervous, scared and trying to get to know one another.I tried to explain to my 5 year old ,who has had friends and play dates since she was 18 months old, that it wasn't wasn't was just children trying to feel their way through this new time in their life. Eventually,the tears subsided, once I ,may or may not have said, that  if the little girl ever tries to make her be her dog, I might make that little girl be my dog. Hey, I was being protective of my little broken hearted baby girl. (Disclaimer: I would NEVER actually make a kid be my dog; not even my own.) It made her giggle. That's all that mattered to me at that moment.In retrospect, probably not the smartest thing to say in front of her.It's just hard to contain yourself when someone hurts your child. I felt so helpless. It's just one of those booboos that you can't kiss away. Just like the certain heartbreak that will someday come from her first crush. I can do a lot of things for my children but building relationships is something they have to learn to do on their own. I can make introductions, execute play dates, guide them in their choices but I can't make someone like my child. They have to do that all on their own and my child  has to learn how to deal with this kind of acceptance and rejection in stride. It's hard when you are 5 and you were the popular kid in preschool to go to being the little fish in the big pond of a new school. But its even harder to watch our baby's little hearts get unintentionally broken but what can you do as a parent when you can't do anything to fix the situation for them.Relationships are something they have to find, want, build and nurture.The most I can do is be an example, reassure them that they are going to be OK, and be there to pick up the pieces.

That was last Friday, this Monday when dropping her off, Bella asks, " So, Mommy are you going to wait in the car until recess and come and make Becky* be your dog?" Me: "No, I don't think that would be a very nice thing to do. Mommy shouldn't have said that. People shouldn't make other people be their dog" ( While thinking, please God don't let her repeat that to her teacher or the Father!) Today, she came home and she told me that she has 3 friends and 1 of them hugs her every time she sees her. All is right with the world again. She also told me that she played with the girl who makes people be her dog, " But she didn't even ask me to be her dog Mommy!" Good thing, for Becky*

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or I just plain forgot the kids name:)


  1. I know exactly what you mean. Anytime Nino has ever come to me with a friendship injustice, my first reaction is to come out with guns blazing. I just can't handle the idea of anyone being mean to my sweet son. But thankfully, he's been lucky enough not to have too many scuffles yet. I really hope it continues this way. Cuz I'd really hate to make some child my dog. Heheheehe.

  2. I'm so glad she made some friends! That has to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I think you are right though, its hard for all of those kids to find their groove together but soon she will have more and more and more friends. I'm sorry she had to be sad first though.

  3. Oh girl, I would have said the same thing. I am so protective of my kids. When they are hurting, it absolutely kills me. It's so hard to send them off to school knowing you can't be there with them.
    I am very glad she has made some cute friends. She sounds adorable!

  4. aww, my heart was breaking reading this. I am glad that in the end things got better

  5. It's so hard when we have our hearts outside of our bodies! Cam is so shy, I can't tell you how many times I have come to the school early to wait in line and see him on the playground playing alone. He has friends, but if his Best Friend isn't there he wont hang out with the other friends, b/c he doesnt know their other friends.'s hard...wait until you get that teacher that you want to throat punch....

  6. Okay, I could go on about this FOREVER, as a teacher and as a mother. My son is in first grade and had some trouble at the end of the year last year with his very best friend for the past 2 years wanting to be friends with someone else and not letting my Ryan be a part of it. It was so hard to explain to him when we make sure that he includes everyone when he is playing something. Not to mention I teach at the school where he goes and it takes all my restraint not to trip this kid in question when he is walking down the hall. It is happening again this year and Ryan is finally starting to branch out and play with others. Also, I may or may not stalk out the windows when I have a minute and the K-2nd graders are out at recess and check out what is going on, and kids go from group to group to playing by themselves all the time. It makes me feel better to know that they are so resilient, it is us that takes it all to heart and can't let go. It sounds like it is already better and I am glad for you. It is so hard to explain hurt feelings to our kids but they are learning valuable lessons right now that they will take with them into adulthood. Good post.

  7. OK That is just to funny!!!

    I know I probably would have said the same thing. Its really tough to keep the blazing guns tucked away safely in our pockets when there is an injustice being dealt to our children.

    Glad that all is right in her world right now and she has started to make some new friends! Way to go Bella!!!


Love to hear your thoughts on my truth! Please leave some love, insight , or even disagreement with mine. I believe in free thought and speech. Happy Mothering!!