Challenge #16 - Say what you mean and mean what you say
I realize that this is somewhat similar to the "in a second" challenge that we had a few days ago, but it really does take things to another level. It's probably no surprise that we often say way more than needs to be said - whether it's because we don't say it effectively, we say it when our kids aren't really listening to us, or we just say it because it sounds good at the time.
But then we have to follow through on what we said.Because we want our kids to trust us. I am really big on following through, even if its just a good description or postponement of what I said we'd do until a later date. Believe me I always come up with some legitimate reason because if I don't then basically, I am just a lying asshole. There are already too many of those in the world. I don't want to be the first for my child.
However, we'll worry about all that good stuff later. For now, just concentrate on what you're saying.Take a second to think about what's reasonable and what makes sense. Are you just saying stuff to say it or do you really want your kids to listen and understand? Do you mean everything that is coming out of your mouth? I want them to listen and understand the words that I am saying.But I also want to be sure that I am not making idle threats or false promises, so I really have to filter what I say. In fact, most of the time, I am filtering the big guy too. It's so hard having to tell a grown man to watch what he is saying so he doesn't permanently fuck them up.
That could really change what you're saying and how you're saying it. And really, truly LESS IS MORE, especially when it comes to kids. Isn't there some statistic out there that says they really only catch like 2-3 out of every 10 words or something? I'm convinced my girls have selective hearing and only really hear the parts that benefit them.
I'm not surprised. They are 3 and 5, they are total id! How I wish I could live that way, damn you super ego! We Mommies are riddled with super ego! Super my ass. What's so super about guilt?( Anyways, sorry about the tangent.)
We'll have plenty more challenges that deal with this because I think it's a biggie. But today, give it a try and see what happens.
This was very timely today. Sometimes I'll just give the idle threats, but last night I'd just about had it. We always tell our daughter to pick up the toys off the floor and whatever is left on the floor gets taken away.
ReplyDeleteThe past couple weeks, I've been letting it slide - hoping she'll get it and pick up. Well last night, when going in to check on her, I stepped on a block left on the floor.....and silently went ballistic.
This morning, everything on the floor was gone....because I picked it all up and either 1) put it in the trash, 2) gave it to her sister, or 3) put it into a bag to give away.
She's not happy, but she knows mommy means business!
Hey Truthful Mommy,
ReplyDeleteGood post. I think you are right on the money with all of your points here. Less is more. If you use less words there is less confusion. Follow through is a must. Both parents have to agree on what you're doing. Absolutely. Team parenting.
Now, I cannot remember if I told you that I tagged you last Thursday on HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY. My brain is a mess. If you will leave me a comment that you saw the vid I will know you watched it and I can stop questioning my sanity or lack thereof. And I hope you like it!
Robin
Oh dear, and I just posted on how my follow through is a little weak...
ReplyDeleteI've been offline for a little bit and haven't seen the new look. LOVE.
It's so important that you follow thru. Lots of parents don't at all so they find it upsetting when I do. And yeah it sucks you become the bad guy, but I feel it's the most effective way in teaching, especially discipline. It teaches the the effects of consequences as long as it's set forth properly. My kid just got home from their bio mom and she told me all kinds of things they did out there. I was appalled! But she never followed thru with her "threats" and of course hers were spoken out of anger. So it's been a transition having them back but they're quickly remembering but at least this will teach them a great tool about life.
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