Mommy Truisms; because it is what it is!

The truth , the whole truth and nothing but my entire truth. I wish someone would have told me the truth, but I' m sure I wouldn't have believed them if they had tried! But no more,  I refuse to further take part in the vicious cycle of perpetuating the myth of constant Motherhood bliss by sharing my brutally honest truth about Motherhood!

• When receiving your epidural during transition labor (first of all, if you are  in transition labor..you've missed your window of escaping the ordeal pain free), you certainly do not care what the consequences are of an epidural mishap. Chronic migraines? Possibility of paralysis?Death? Bring it on, at that point anything was better than the pain of my labor!
• Looking into the eyes of your newborn for the first time is ,indeed, a Godlike moment filled with spirituality and you better believe it will change your life forever.
• A baby changes everything is by far the most honest and underestimated advertising slogan of the century; of all time! Hell yeah; Pregnancy changes everything!
• No penis ever blacked a fetus' eye! I promise you, it doesn't happen ..no matter what your husband wants to believe!
• Sometimes giving into whining, screaming and tantrums is an absolute must. Do not feel like a failure! Do not beat yourself up over it! Let it go! Serenity now!
• Mom's Night out is imperative to your sanity! Do it! Everyone will be happier, your husband will get lucky, and the kids will be glad Mommy has pulled the grouchy stick out of her ass! Trust me, I learned this the hard way!
• Alone time with your husband is an absolute necessity for the survival of your marriage! Don't feel guilty, if it weren't for the love that you two share, those kiddies wouldn't be here. Love your man, love yourself, love your life and you will be capable of loving your children even more.
• Sometimes a large glass of wine, after the kids go to bed, is what needs to be done to help you decompress enough to move past all of the chaos of the day. Don't feel guilty! Keep that damn bottle chilled and when you really need it, uncork it, and sip it to you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and all the shit (literal and metaphorical) from the day falls off of you..like a nightie on your honeymoon.
• Stay at Home Mom(SAHM) is the most underpaid, overworked, 24/7 job that a woman can ever undertake. It will let you know what you are really made  of. It's the only job that will take you from the throes of hell to the gates of heaven within a 24 hour period and sometimes simultaneously.
• Mommies who work outside of the home, they have double the work. We SAHM Mommies may be envious at times because they get to leave the house for a few hours, but then they have to deal with the guilt of leaving their children plus come home and do what we do all day...in 4 hours. So, cut each other some slack, its hard all the way around. There's no getting around it; raising healthy, happy, intelligent,independent,  socially responsible humans is a lot of hard work! But I believe its worth it because in the end, no money can substitute for what a random "Me Love you MOMMY" feels like. That is priceless!

Happy Mothering!