Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Ever have those WTF moments?
This morning, I woke up feeling a little nauseous in my stomach. Morning sickness, no not likely, it was that nervous feeling you get right before impending doom. As some of you are aware, it has been a hectic year or so for the Beck clan. I was counting on a much smoother 2010 , but apparently that's not very likely. You see in the August of 2008, Wayne lost his job. It was awful and our life was shattered. But within 2 weeks, the very same company who let him go brought him back...reviving our shocked and on life support livelihoods.All was good in the world...so we thought. Poor little unsuspecting, gullible Becks.Then after a miserable autumn of playing financial catch up after the havoc those 2 weeks created, spring arrived. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, friend's babies were being born and we had a pretty wonderful spring until sometime around mid May. I can't recollect the exact date because to be honest I sorta blacked out from the shock. Once again, the Wayne comes home in the middle of the day and gives me the news that he no longer has employment. The company that had done this to us last August was now being sold to a competitor and they were closing the facility. That was that, no job...no warning, no problem. I mean come on, we were somewhat of semi professionals at this by now. We knew the routine..call the credit card companies, cut back the cable and phone bills, tighten the belts, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!So, fool me once shame on me...fool me twice.... We lived life in those days in a haze, a fog of uncertainty, not unlike that of lots of people these days.I was angry, he was angry, I cried, he drank, the kids knew something was wrong but weren't quite sure what. It was awful..absolutely horrible. What were we going to do about our mortgage? Our health insurance? Car payments? Ballet?Preschool?Food? Oh my, it was totally overwhelming. Then a couple weeks of unemployment, a lot of restless nights, quite a bit of getting on one an others nerves, and a big hole in our savings later...the company who bought my husbands company, like a shining knight, came to our rescue. They wanted to interview him, obviously, he accepted.Then , hallelujah, like a miracle he was employed again. It was a great thing indeed but it was not without costs. In order to accept this position, we had to leave our friends and family behind and relocate ,literally, half way across the country away from all that we knew. But you know, Wayne and I are firm believers that as long as we all have our health, are together and love each other..everything else will work itself out. We will be fine. God will provide and put us just where we need to be. So, with an open mind and a willing heart, we did it. We packed the girls up and moved to Virginia. It was completely different than anything we knew and we embraced it all. I threw myself into making friends and making things as normal for my girls as it could be. I made wonderful new friends, joined groups, made play dates, found a ballet school, a wonderful preschool, and even became an active room Mother. I was absolutely loving Virginia. For the first time in a long time, things were feeling normal. I was feeling normal and like I belonged, aside from the fact that our house back home hadn't sold yet and we were paying two mortgages, essentially, all was well.After the most amazingly beautiful autumn in Richmond, and a lovely pre holiday season, we headed home to the Midwest for the holidays. WE were greeted by lots of love and warm wishes but blistering cold and lots of snow. By the time we left, after loading a 16 foot u haul in freezing cold blizzard conditions, driving 14 hours with 2 toddlers have simultaneous meltdowns and car sickness in more blizzard conditions, imagine my happiness to be back to Virginia where it was actually above the single digits. I had come to accept that though I missed family and friends terribly, this was my new life and it was pretty sweet. I was looking forward to my new life in Virginia and a new home, etc. Then 8 days passed and Wayne was told he needed to make a appointment with the HR lady. Are you frigging kidding me!! Talk about blindsided. WTF was this nonsense? Were they giving him a special "you are so awesome award'? Because, in my mind, that better had be the only effing reason they would have the audacity to call my husband into the HR. Have I mentioned this was the third time in a little over a year this had happened..essentially at the same company!! My mind was thoroughly blown! So, he scheduled a meeting. The HR lady ran late. He waited an hour and a half, not to mention that he was about to vomit no less,and she never showed..running late. You know busy firing and laying off poor unsuspecting, thinking their lives were great sons of a bitches:( Finally this morning, he gets his meeting. Guess what? My dear husband has been laid off...again! Seriously, WTF!!!!! I know this economy is hard, for everybody, but seriously does life just want to see how far it can push us until we break? My sanity may truly be in question. Who does this? To be fair, the company is very remorseful but hard facts are that they have too many employees and need to cut heads..its that time of the year.They are putting together a severance, reimbursing us for the Uhaul, paying to break the lease, paying to send us back home with our tails between our legs but what I want to know is who the hell is going to give me back the last 6 months of my life? Honestly, I kept saying I felt like I was on some bizarro extended vacation..I chalked it up to living in corporate housing and living a pseudo existence but now I think I knew, in my heart, all along that this wasn't going to last. To recap, I have cut ties with those at home because I had moved, now the friends I made here will slowly distance themselves from me( it is the nature of the beast..nobody likes to be too vested in someone leaving..its hard, I understand..I've been here before) and once again I am left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life. It just happens to be that I am rebuilding in a pile of rubble that I am familiar with.Fantastic! The thing that is the icing on the cake, this all happens on the absolute worst week of the month that you could imagine!Wow! Life is sweet! Thanks life for metaphorically kicking the crap outta me, yet, once again!Life, I don't know what exactly it was I did to piss you off but I think we've been punished enough for awhile. Can you please lay off a bit? My backside is sore from the ass kickin that you've been giving me over the past few months. Sincerely, Debi