Faster than a speeding Bullet

I've found that as a Mother, the moments that I learn the most valuable lessons are when I am not thinking at all. So sad but so true. For example, amidst all the craziness that this morning was..the girls were having a slap fight, Gabs decided to tell me : "You hate me! ME no love you!" for the infraction of not letting her wear long sleeves outside in the 90 degree weather ( I can see her point..I'm just a mean bitch), and Bella went completely deaf and ignored absolutely every single thing I asked her to do or told her not to do this morning ( again, must be me. How dare I think my girls should be held responsible for their actions!)! Stupid, naive, me...I thought it was going to be a good day, I woke up to sunshine, hot coffee, and Paramore and then hell broke lose!

But, somewhere along the way, something clicked. OH yes, I remember. I was checking my FB account and a friend of mine had posted her son's senior montage. I watched it, for no other reason than curiosity. I don't really know her son. As I was watching it, I started tearing up (just like I did at the end of Toy Story 3). Suddenly, like a ton of bricks it hit me...these tantrums and days that seem to be endless..are fleeting and passing me by at lightening speed. Before I know it, I will be watching Bella's senior montage and sending her off into the world to be her own person; left to her own devices and there will be no more daily tantrums, slap fights, screaming matches but there will also be no more random I love yous, neck ringing hugs, co sleeping, spontaneous dance parties and silly song concerts! On a day soon after that, it will be packing Gabs up for college and sending her off.
When we are waiting to meet our children, 10 months feels like forever. When they are toddlers and having tantrums, and it seems like the days will never end of changing shitty diapers, or we'll never get to be alone again; these days we wish away. But I am here to tell you, if you change your thinking and realize that those precious little hands that hold yours will soon be to large to want to do so, that the child who won't leave your side will soon rather not be seen in public with you because you are an embarrassment, and that the little girl who thinks that you are the world and annoys you to no end messing with your shoes, clothes and make up will soon want nothing to do with you. If we realize from the moment they are born, we are losing them and that with every milestone and tantrum they are one step closer to heading out the door for college, then maybe we can slow down, gain perspective and enjoy the madness; embrace the chaos, and love our children for the who they are today. I know its hard to realize this in the midst of the chaos, but take a moment and try to remember to cherish even the worst days because they are flying by and soon there will be no more chaos to cherish! Hug them, kiss them, let them play in the puddles, act silly with them, let them cook with you, don't waste their childhood wishing it away.Sometimes you've got to break some rules to make some memories. It's not about how much money you spend, how clean your house is, or what you cook for dinner. What they'll remember is how much you loved them and how much time you spent with them....make it count! Happy Mothering!

I love my chidren but I hate my life:All joy and no fun!

I was watching the Today show yesterday morning, and I saw a segment titled I love my children but I hate me life!  Obviously, I was intrigued because, really, who hasn't thought that? In all honesty, I think that about once a week. But when I think it, its usually because my world is spiraling out of control due to  overwhelming circumstances; toddler meltdowns, a messy house, a sassy mouthed preschooler, ME biting off more than I can chew( usually more times than not, its ME) ..and it all happening simultaneously. In the end, its about me and balancing this life I've chosen and all of the responsibility that comes with it. In reality, I never actually hate my life..what I hate is the feeling that I am failing at it!
I'm listening to this segment, which by the way was only a snippet of the actually article they were referencing, and I am thinking they are making it sound like these women hate their lives..literally hate their lives because its not what it was cracked up to be . This segment alluded to the fact that this is the norm. I know loads of women and I have never met a woman who has insinuated or said outright "Damn, I wish I could get a refund because Motherhood is really lacking and in no way as fulfilling as I thought it would be!"
Of course, there was nothing that could prepare us for what parenthood actually is...a wild and crazy ride wrought full of  hills and valleys,laughter and tears; sometimes within the same day, the same hour or even the same moment! We get pregnant with the intention of creating a baby who is part of our loved one and our self, the baby is a symbol of the depth and breadth of the scope of our love for our spouse/partner/etc. Obviously, being what it symbolizes, we want to believe that something so profound would be a magical experience. But like all things we fantasize about, reality is a little more gritty, dirty, work, and real!
There is a definitely an illusion that is perpetrated about parenthood, especially Motherhood. Come on,how else could we be convinced to go through labor and delivery? It is also not something you can truly understand without experiencing it.
Having my children has been the single most important events in my life, aside from meeting my husband...and you see the three things go hand in hand.The moment I married my husband, I became a wife and the moment when I gave birth to my girls, I was born again, as a Mother. Now, I am privy to a few more of the great mysteries of life. For instance,  I know that my heart is capable of growing with the birth of each successive baby, I know that that gigantic heart lives and roams free outside of my body and my biggest job in the world is to protect that heart from getting hurt, and I know that Motherhood is the hardest job that you will ever love!
Of course its not all chocolate and roses, its real. It's work, but its rewarding maybe not every minute of every day but it is creating something in the world, It's about perpetuating the species and leaving a legacy. Our children are a version of ourselves and with each passing generation we have left behind a piece of ourselves to live on forever. I know there has been many times when I have felt as if I am being cheated or punished because I can not do the things I did before I had my children. We are human and by nature selfish and in want of instant gratification. Once we have our children, society dictates that we are not allowed those luxuries any longer and that leaves us feeling wanting. This leads to us feeling unsatisfied with our quality of life and that manifests into self doubt. Most days, I feel like I am the only mother having  a hard time figuring this all out and why don't I think every single moment is glorious? What is wrong with me? But once I realized that this is me evolving into a different version of myself, not worse, but different in my perspective and my scope of experience; then and only then was I able to embrace Motherhood for what it really is... a lot of hard work, laced with moments of profound bliss. I think if it were blissful always, the important moments wouldn't be as important. The craziness is to keep the balance of things.
When I say I hate my life, I hate that I can't handle the change. But I take a deep breath, as all parents do, I continue on and before I know it I have arrived at the next moment of bliss and amazement. Just think about it, is there anything that you have ever done in your entire life that felt as amazing as the moment that you first held your newborn baby?