Tuesday, June 30, 2009
PMS and Motherhood
There is Premenstrual Syndrome, More aptly called the one week a month that I hate all living creatures for even having the gall to breathe, little lone dain to have the audacity to speak to me or ask me for anything at all.But then there is the ever so lovely, Premenstrual syndrome and having the responsibility of mothering Are you kidding me? Who ever thought this was a good idea? Come on, it is not an understatement to say it is potentially as deadly a mix as pills and booze.So, my dearly beloved husband has departed to the great state of Virginia ,for business.Leaving me, with my already tiny bit of sanity, alone with my two beautiful girls. I have been trying my best to keep them occupied, so they don't feel the void of their father's presence as much as they might, say sitting around the house. We have been running to and fro, engaging in every last activity I can come up with. This is being done for a dual purpose; 1) to keep my daughters' completely preoccupied with other activities so they are not missing daddy too much ( and constantly whining about it, as they have so boldly demonstrated they are quite capable of doing) and 2)to keep my house in spic and span condition on the rare chance that there is someone in this world who is actually looking to buy an awesome house in a great subdivision in this awful economy. This has been my life since my husband has made his departure. And if I may say so, myself, I have been doing a damn good job at both, though tiring and nerve racking as it has been.Then, from out of nowhere, since I myself have been so preoccupied with all of these activities and have forgotten the beast from within that never misses her visit, she arrives and she is taking no prisoners. I have been ripping heads off of cable companies, phone companies, and even the occasional bystander for 2 days now.I had the good sense of self awareness to realize what was happening, while I was visiting my parents and my 4 year old, who has decided she can't hear anymore, had a sleep deprived melt down and wanted to leave my mothers house...at bedtime. Yes, at bedtime. This happened after, the previous night, her 2 year old sister had decided that she wasn't caring for sleeping (all three of us) in Grandma's full size bed and proceeded to punish me by screaming ,sporadically, without cause,at the top of her lungs... all night long. Yes, ladies, all night long. Remember those nights with a newborn, when you were so sleep deprived that you prayed for death, just so that you could sleep? This was way worse. Anyways, back to the meltdown, so rather than calm her down,soothing her, and coaxing her to lay down at Grandma's like I normally would have done. I said, "OK, go potty!" and I proceeded to chuck every bit of crap we brought into the back of my SUV..with the speed of lightening and the fury of the a goat on crack. My parents watched silently and my children, being that they are apparently aware that Mommy gets a little crazy once a month, were unaffected. They simply said their good byes to the grandparents and ignored my mood completely.Driving home, completely besot with myself, and completely over my kids meltdown, it hit me..." You crazy bitch, calm down. It's PMS week" So, we, Bella, Gabby and myself ,Sybil for the week, made it home without any real incident. That night, as I put them in bed and looked at their sweet little faces, I thought to myself, do these kids know how truly dangerous their Mama's PMS really is? Luckily not.Normally, my husband is here to offset the true glory that is my PMS but with him gone, I was left to deal with it all on my own and it was not pretty. I spoke with my husband and let him know that I am having my beast visit this week. He is coming home, after two weeks of being gone, his response to me was ,"Oh God. Can it be over by the time I get there?" Luckily for him, I was not in the throes of the syndrome or that could of warranted him a tongue lashing to not soon be forgotten, at the very least. I have come to the conclusion through this ordeal that it should be a law of nature that once you have children you no longer can experience the "syndrome." It truly is quite counter productive and very much as reckless and deadly as "Pills and booze".Of course, if pills and booze were involved I believe I would be much more likable this week anyways. But alas, as does mothering and PMS not mix neither does mothering and pills or booze. So, as all good mothers do, I will suck it up and put on a happy face. My girls are awesome blessings and as long as I can keep that in perspective maybe I can keep the beast at bay, at least until my husband gets home:)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Kids really do say the darndest things
We are on a mini vacation/ look see around town for my husbands potential new job, in Virginia. First, let me start by saying, this is one of the most gorgeous parts of the country that I have been to thus far in my life. The weather is awesome, the foliage abounds, large cities are concealed by an enveloping plethora of greenery.Essentially, you have big city life with the look of the country and all the amenities of a Beaches all inclusive resort. So, that is where we are Today!
On Saturday,however, we were on the road for 12 glorious hours. Yes, that is correct, 12 hours with a 4 and newly turned 2 year old.Can you say a little touch of hell on earth. My ,otherwise, sweet loving girls do not like to be confined in those 5 point harnesses on a good day on a trip across town. So,imagine their state at taking their very first long drive trip imprisoned in those wonderful harnesses. My oldest, rambunctious as ever, insisted on asking ,every 20 minutes or so,"Are we there yet?" I always thought that was a funny spoof on parenting but now I realize that it is, in fact, the truth of traveling with children. I never realized how frazzling that could be to me as a person. I thought "those" moms have no patience. Just say ,"Not yet, in a little while." Why all the overreaction, then I realized that it can actually bring you to the brink of insanity and make a grown woman , such as myself, cry, almost inconsolably, if asked in the right voice and enough times over a 12 hour period.While the oldest was hitting us with the barrage of "Are we there yet"s the youngest was freaking out of her ever loving mind about a gnat. Yes, a gnat, that supposedly must have been the scariest, meanest, baby eating gnat you ever did see because , god bless her little bitty heart, she screamed bloody murder for at least 3 hours of the trip.Oh, the humanity! So, to sum it up, my 4 year old is wondering if we are there yet, every single second of every single minute we were on the road, my 2 year old is being terrorized by a gnat and screaming so highly pitched, that all the dogs of the world were seeking her out to eat her and end the misery, I am at the brink of insanity on the verge of losing the battle and my poor beloved husband is trying to plot his course to the nearest gunsmith to rent a gun and buy a bullet.
Then I pull out my bag of tricks because obviously the 1200 DVDs that I brought are not holding their attention. First , we color ( you know those Wonder Crayola colors that magically appear on the special paper but nothing else..that's what you think, but that's another story entirely), then we color the glittery ones, then we color My little Pony. We sing, only the songs that they know so we had Bella's favorites, "Twinkle ,Twinkle" and "Mary had a little Lamb" and Gabi's favorites "Happy Burtday to you!" and " Five, Five DOlla..Five Dolla foot long!" Yes, my 2 year old is obsessed with the Subway commercial jingle. Have you any idea how many times they play that thing? I do , because she sings it incessantly. Don't get me wrong, in the right context, it is absolutely adorable. She is the cutest thing that has ever walked this earth, besides her sister, of course, but everything in moderation. Interrupted only by the "Are we there yet?" inquiry of her sister. OK, so brink of insanity on way to gun shop, we stop at lunch and we try and let them stretch there legs at some wayward Wendy's in West Virginia. Not my idea, have you seen Wrong Turn?
We get lunch, they have ants in their pants and can't keep still. We get the food, the nuggets are not done, still doughy,"EWWWW, gross" , as my daughter like to say. I return them. We wait, I return with nuggets, all is good in the land. A 'fly" dares to descend upon the table. All hell breaks lose. Toddlers jumping everywhere, screaming, crying, running away in terror. Did i mention it was a fly? Not a horsefly, just a regular old house fly! In true fix the situation fast fashion, I take off my flip flop and the untimely death of one unsuspecting fly ensues. All is good in the land, and then Gabs, because all of the attention we just received was apparently not enough fro her, screams, at the absolute top of her lungs "EWWWW, FAArTED.Stinks". Absolutely, mortified , I say " OK, honey, it's OK." Then I realize, amongst all of the commotion, she did not have any kind of flatulation incident. Apparently she just thinks its funny and likes to take credit for such occurrences, she is really better than the dog. This is a quirk I am hoping she outgrows.Bella, my older one starts asking, "Mom, what are we going to do on our vacation?" I say, because I am out of the car and somewhat rational and overly sweet because I am trying to gain redemption from being "Crazy Mommy" from in the car,
" Well, sweetie.we'll look around the town and eat out, maybe go to Busch Gardens, and we will take you girls to the pool at the hotel." She look at me with wide eyes," Even you,Mommy?" First lets put this into context, I am a Mommy in my mid 30's, I am a little over weight and a little out of shape, and I hate swimsuits with a passion. I have since I was a teenager. It's like a taunting suit, it takes every possible flaw you can possibly have and flaunts it to the discriminating eyes of the world. But I do occasionally wear these horrible contraptions to play with my children and because I am determined not to pass my body issues on to them. In response to my daughter, I say "yes, sweetie, even Mommy." I look at my husband and say " What the heck, I don't know any of these people.I'm going swimming!" To which my daughter responds in her most defiant voice " Yeah,I don't know these people either, so I'm going swimming!" How funny, she has no idea about the context but Dammit, she's going swimming!! I'm still in the throes of this mini vacation that teeters between heaven and hell, I'll post more when we all arrive safely at home, by passing any and all asylums and gun shops.
On Saturday,however, we were on the road for 12 glorious hours. Yes, that is correct, 12 hours with a 4 and newly turned 2 year old.Can you say a little touch of hell on earth. My ,otherwise, sweet loving girls do not like to be confined in those 5 point harnesses on a good day on a trip across town. So,imagine their state at taking their very first long drive trip imprisoned in those wonderful harnesses. My oldest, rambunctious as ever, insisted on asking ,every 20 minutes or so,"Are we there yet?" I always thought that was a funny spoof on parenting but now I realize that it is, in fact, the truth of traveling with children. I never realized how frazzling that could be to me as a person. I thought "those" moms have no patience. Just say ,"Not yet, in a little while." Why all the overreaction, then I realized that it can actually bring you to the brink of insanity and make a grown woman , such as myself, cry, almost inconsolably, if asked in the right voice and enough times over a 12 hour period.While the oldest was hitting us with the barrage of "Are we there yet"s the youngest was freaking out of her ever loving mind about a gnat. Yes, a gnat, that supposedly must have been the scariest, meanest, baby eating gnat you ever did see because , god bless her little bitty heart, she screamed bloody murder for at least 3 hours of the trip.Oh, the humanity! So, to sum it up, my 4 year old is wondering if we are there yet, every single second of every single minute we were on the road, my 2 year old is being terrorized by a gnat and screaming so highly pitched, that all the dogs of the world were seeking her out to eat her and end the misery, I am at the brink of insanity on the verge of losing the battle and my poor beloved husband is trying to plot his course to the nearest gunsmith to rent a gun and buy a bullet.
Then I pull out my bag of tricks because obviously the 1200 DVDs that I brought are not holding their attention. First , we color ( you know those Wonder Crayola colors that magically appear on the special paper but nothing else..that's what you think, but that's another story entirely), then we color the glittery ones, then we color My little Pony. We sing, only the songs that they know so we had Bella's favorites, "Twinkle ,Twinkle" and "Mary had a little Lamb" and Gabi's favorites "Happy Burtday to you!" and " Five, Five DOlla..Five Dolla foot long!" Yes, my 2 year old is obsessed with the Subway commercial jingle. Have you any idea how many times they play that thing? I do , because she sings it incessantly. Don't get me wrong, in the right context, it is absolutely adorable. She is the cutest thing that has ever walked this earth, besides her sister, of course, but everything in moderation. Interrupted only by the "Are we there yet?" inquiry of her sister. OK, so brink of insanity on way to gun shop, we stop at lunch and we try and let them stretch there legs at some wayward Wendy's in West Virginia. Not my idea, have you seen Wrong Turn?
We get lunch, they have ants in their pants and can't keep still. We get the food, the nuggets are not done, still doughy,"EWWWW, gross" , as my daughter like to say. I return them. We wait, I return with nuggets, all is good in the land. A 'fly" dares to descend upon the table. All hell breaks lose. Toddlers jumping everywhere, screaming, crying, running away in terror. Did i mention it was a fly? Not a horsefly, just a regular old house fly! In true fix the situation fast fashion, I take off my flip flop and the untimely death of one unsuspecting fly ensues. All is good in the land, and then Gabs, because all of the attention we just received was apparently not enough fro her, screams, at the absolute top of her lungs "EWWWW, FAArTED.Stinks". Absolutely, mortified , I say " OK, honey, it's OK." Then I realize, amongst all of the commotion, she did not have any kind of flatulation incident. Apparently she just thinks its funny and likes to take credit for such occurrences, she is really better than the dog. This is a quirk I am hoping she outgrows.Bella, my older one starts asking, "Mom, what are we going to do on our vacation?" I say, because I am out of the car and somewhat rational and overly sweet because I am trying to gain redemption from being "Crazy Mommy" from in the car,
" Well, sweetie.we'll look around the town and eat out, maybe go to Busch Gardens, and we will take you girls to the pool at the hotel." She look at me with wide eyes," Even you,Mommy?" First lets put this into context, I am a Mommy in my mid 30's, I am a little over weight and a little out of shape, and I hate swimsuits with a passion. I have since I was a teenager. It's like a taunting suit, it takes every possible flaw you can possibly have and flaunts it to the discriminating eyes of the world. But I do occasionally wear these horrible contraptions to play with my children and because I am determined not to pass my body issues on to them. In response to my daughter, I say "yes, sweetie, even Mommy." I look at my husband and say " What the heck, I don't know any of these people.I'm going swimming!" To which my daughter responds in her most defiant voice " Yeah,I don't know these people either, so I'm going swimming!" How funny, she has no idea about the context but Dammit, she's going swimming!! I'm still in the throes of this mini vacation that teeters between heaven and hell, I'll post more when we all arrive safely at home, by passing any and all asylums and gun shops.
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